You do not complete me: I am already whole. From the sway in my walk to the curves at my hips, from the cracks in my grin and hum of my voice: it was me, me, me. These all existed before you entered my life and will continue to do so long after you have exited. How silly it is to recall all the times I spent mourning your loss as if I had the time to do so. Because the truth is, I do not. None of us do. If there was ever a time to be selfish, now is that time.
You have not fixed me because I was never broken. In the traits you loved most about me I failed to realize that you did not invent them. I did and I am the painter of my life's own masterpiece. It is incomplete now but that is okay. I no longer find myself in a hurry to complete it but rather enjoy my life. God never promised us tomorrow and if today is my last day, I refuse to waste it.
You do not keep me, I am the master of my time. And this time is precious. I have found that I will never be as young as I am in this moment, what a shame it would be if in the best years of my life, I spent them nervous and fidgety-worrying whether or not I was good enough for anyone other than myself. I am managing my time wisely and I am not sorry to say that there is not an ounce of time allotted for self-doubt or the promise that a fickle love is being returned. I realize that in my future there will be times of relationships and along with these come compromise, but now is not my time to compromise anything. Now Is my time to ask for everything, to find myself, to master my skills, to set goals for myself.
You are not what I need, as long as I want myself. I know what I need, and it is to dance and travel and laugh and cry. I want to never stop growing in my faith. Most importantly, I need to love me. Not you or him or her, because no one can teach me the truths I need besides myself and my own experiences. No one can teach me in the way that I have taught myself. I have learned that loneliness will never be cured with a companion if I am missing myself and who I am as a person.
You are not right for me now, and that is okay. I am learning to be okay with that. I am spending time with myself and with my God. This is a time for me to learn who I am and who I want to be. I will no longer reach towards things that are not reaching back towards me. My heart is growing and it will continue to do so, I am running out of room for anger or hate, or doubt. There is no place for those feelings here anymore. Here, in my life, they are no longer welcome.
