I have never been a small girl. I was never large either, but I most definitely was never small, even as a baby. For most of my life, I have been a happy medium. I swore up and down I would never be a size large and never strive to be a small, because I was awesome just the way I was. For a while, it was true too - until I started caring.
Growing up I always had a mix of, "Did you gain weight?" or "Will you grow taller?" or "Wow, you've gotten so... big!". I have even gotten, "Make sure you watch your cholesterol/diet" and the blatant "Are you watching your weight? You're starting to round." Most people mean well and are really looking out for you. But what a lot of people don't realize, is that I know. I know I'm gaining weight. I know I don't fit into a size 2, 4, 6, hell even 8 size dress. I know when I take off my shirt, my rolls fall back out like I've kept them taped to my spine all day. I know I have rolls. I know that my arms shake with flab and I know that I am nowhere near in shape. I know and I don't need, want or deserve to hear your degrading and more hurtful than you'll ever know comments. Nothing you tell me, I haven't told myself. But guess what? I'm doing something about it. Guess what else? I'm also very much okay with myself.
No, I'm not promoting for people to be content with being overweight - I'm not. As I had said, I'm doing something about my weight problem. I work out. I try to eat right 90 percent of the time. I limit my treats and control my fat intake. I try to watch my posture and I have tried diets. I am doing something, and that's why I am okay with myself.
Not because "I'm fat and proud," but because I am doing something about my weight and because I am an amazing person whose happiness and entire life does not revolve around how big or small they are. I have an amazing support system; I have a family and friends that love me and care for me like you would not believe. Because of them, I have learned how to be happy in my own skin and to not care one bit about what society has to say about me. Now I'm not infallible: I have suffered high functioning depression and anxiety and I have struggled with controlling and maintaining balance with my weight. I struggled with accepting who I am and all that comes with it. I'm not quite there yet, but I am pretty close.
I have learned to accept who I am as a person, despite what the scales say. I have learned to accept my quirks and oddities. I have learned to accept that society's beauty standards are not everyone else's. I have learned that my weight holds nothing to the pure awesomness that is moi! I have learned not to hate my weight and love who I am - in, out and all around.
My weight does not define me. It never will. So take your hateful words and hurting comments to where the sun don't shine. It's not wanted here.
