To the celebrities who said they would leave if Trump was elected:

The ball is in your court. You said it. You pinky-promised. So now, as much as it pains me to say it, I'm going to pull myself together and rip off the BandAid...

... Goodbye.

There are some individuals I would like to address specifically and say a few words to you:

There will never be a greater TOTUS (twerker of the United States) than you, Miley Cyrus. It is sad for us to see you go, as now we have to find another coach for The Voice. We are already taking interviews and applications.

Cher, I would bring a blanket and some Gas-X with you. I heard it gets kind of cold and a little gassy on Jupiter.

You led the charge from the very beginning, Raven-Symone. Can you still film the That's So Raven spin-off in Canada and air it here in the U.S.? You can't really tease us with the show prior to the election and then not follow through with it. Oh snap!

Barbara Streisand, I hear both Canada and Australia are lovely places. Send me a postcard.

You better start brushing up on your Spanish, Amy Schumer. Buena suerte.

You can be neighbors with Amy Schumer, Chelsea Handler! Isn't that just adorable?

What ever will we do without your wise and profound input on The View, Whoopi Goldberg? (Also accepting applications for the open position.)

Goodbye, Samuel Jackson. You were just getting to retirement age anyway, right?

Well Rosie O'Donnell, guess you're going to need to return to the trainwreck that is The View--again. They are going to be a little short on co-hosts.

And to my favorite Supreme Court Justice, Ruth Bader Ginsburg, we will mourn the loss of you as a justice for a whopping 9 seconds when you move to New Zealand.

So my friends, don't let the door hit you on the way out. That would be very sad for the door.

Sincerely,

Citizens of the United States of America who love this country and want to stay here regardless of who is president