Dear High School Bullies,
I guess it probably seems unfair and a little harsh for me to call you all bullies. Some of you were my best friends, and I guess some of you probably didn't even realize you were, by my definition, bullying me. I guess that's something that should be questioned -- If you just stand by and watch someone being picked on, does that count as bullying them yourself? Maybe I'm just too sensitive.
It's been about six years since your leader rose to power to begin the march against me. It's been five years since I left; how was the high school reunion? Did anyone ask where I was? Probably not. No one asked what happened to me after I left five years ago, so I guess there would be no need to wonder how I'm doing now. In case you're wondering, no I didn't leave because I "got knocked up." Hearing that really sucked. I left without a word in the middle of the semester, and no one tried to contact me to ask what happened. Instead, weeks later I got a text that simply asked if I'm pregnant. No.
That's what I mean though -- about some of you not even realizing how much you hurt me. It wasn't just the name-calling or the rumors. It wasn't being shoved in the halls or having things (drumsticks, golf balls, trash, etc.) thrown at me. It was being excluded from my friends. It was being cut out of the groups that I have been a part of for years. It was from being ostracized, and you all let that happen. Senior band night, I wasn't even going to show up, but one of you convinced me to go. I was happy I went. I got to follow the tradition of painting my name on the crows-nest, just like any senior would. I didn't spend the night though, because I knew the instigator would come back. But I left that night happy... The next morning someone came up to me, someone I wasn't extremely close to, and told me, "You didn't hear this from me, but last night 'he' came back and painted over your name." You all let him literally erase me. You all stood by and silently helped to form the circles that kept me out of senior meetings. Even if you never said anything, you helped push me out.
I don't hate you though. I understand how difficult it is to swim against the current. It's hard to stand up to that one strong voice screaming to beat someone down. It's easier to give in to a leader than to stand with the helpless. I get it, but it still amazes me how no one ever spoke up. The morning that I was sitting in the hall before school started, 'he' kept throwing golf balls at me, and the people around me kept rolling them back to 'him'. No one held on to the golf balls so I wouldn't be hit anymore. They just kept feeding the cycle. When the bell rang and everyone was getting up to leave, a girl next to me commented how she didn't know how I could just sit there and take it. Why didn't she say anything to him? Why did you all just keep at it? Wasn't a full year of torture my junior year enough? Why did you have to keep on for my senior year? I left because I thought it would be better to have no senior year than to have a senior year filled with moments like those.
Are any of you sorry? Do any of you even remember? Sometimes I wish for karmic retribution. Sometimes I hope that all of you meet a moment where you need help, and someone looks you dead in the face and says "No." Sometimes I hope that you're better. I hope that you're strong enough to speak up. I hope you're strong enough to oppose what you know is wrong. I hope you know what is wrong. I just wanted to let you know that you hurt me. I didn't say it back then, because I thought it was obvious. I thought it was obvious, but no one cared to help.
Sincerely,
Still Standing
