When I was 13 years old your addiction forced me to leave my own house. When I was 15 I stayed up all night just waiting for the next fight. When I was 17 you told me you were going to kill me in my sleep. When I was 18 I finally stood up for myself.
It took me 4 years to realize that your love for your family would never overpower your addiction. It took me 4 years to realize that you were one of the few people that couldn't beat your addiction. It took me 4 years to open my eyes and finally walk away.
You're supposed to be able to look up to your older brother. You're supposed to be able to trust and love your older brother and I can't remember the last time I felt that way. Your brother is supposed to go to your high school graduation or help send you off to college and it pains me that the brother I knew isn't going to be able to do that.
Having an older brother that chose drugs over you and didn't even think to hide it takes a huge toll on your life. I never thought i'd have to say 'rehab' or 'jail' when people ask how you're doing or where you are. I never thought i'd be laughing at the fact that you clearly chose heroin and crack over your family.
People always ask me how I haven't fallen apart or cried for days when I tell them everything you've done to me and I can tell they look at my differently when I tell them it's because I stopped loving you a long time ago.
I will never understand how you could put something so harmful in your body after seeing what its done to so many people around us. I will never understand how someone can be so unbelievably selfish.
In the upcoming years, i'm not scared to get my heart broken by a boyfriend or a friend because nothing will ever beat the feeling of getting your heart broken by the one person who's supposed to protect you.
Although you broke my heart in some ways when you chose drugs over me, i'd like to thank you for teaching me how to be strong. Because the day I realized that you were never going to stop breaking my heart every time I let you in was the best day of my life. I'll never forget how free I felt the second I decided to let you go and live your life the way you wanted, even if that meant destroying everyone around us.
