Dear Cancer,

I would like to start off by saying that I hate you. You took my grandmother from me at 14 years old and it shattered my world. In case you forgot or were too busy ruining other people’s lives, her name was Arcangel and she was my best friend. Since then you also snatched my grandfather and many close friends and family members, and I will never forgive you.

I remember when my Nana first started showing signs of you possessing her. At a family party, she began saying random phrases such as “the farmer in the dell” without any explanation. She didn’t understand why she was saying those things, but she couldn’t stop. While some laughed it off, she and I both knew that something was very wrong. Not long after, we found you in her brain (and eventually her lungs and liver).

Trying to get rid of you was absolutely awful. Because of the treatments, my Nana gained a lot of weight and lost all her hair. She was constantly sick and in excruciating pain. Ever since I was little she had said there would always be room for me on her lap, but I now felt like I was hurting her. She tried to be okay for us through the grueling chemotherapy and radiation. The doctors told her she could no longer drive (but she was an Italian grandmother, so she did what she wanted). We were not allowed to go near her if we had so much as a stuffy nose because her immune system was so weak. We had a huge family party after my eighth-grade graduation because we knew that was probably the last big event she would attend.

The day after Thanksgiving 2010, you took her from us. All I could think to pray for was for her to be at peace. I knew she would always be watching over me, but she was no longer tangible. I remember my dad coming upstairs to break the news. That was the first time I saw my father cry. I was the last person to kiss my Nana goodbye in her casket before she was gone forever…because of you.

I just want you to know that my Nana had absolutely no idea I would go on to DeSales University and study to become a Physician Assistant. She has never met my boyfriend or most of my friends. She did not get to know me further than my awkward pre-teen/early teenage years. I was a drastically different person back then, and she doesn’t know the person that I am now. She would never have guessed that I want to devote my whole life and career to helping others. I don’t even know what she would have said if I got to tell her I got my license. How can your best friend not know you? Thanks a lot, cancer.

I wish I could end this letter with something like, “in the long run, it taught me a lesson.” I can’t. I never want to see you again. I wish you would disappear and stop taking people from this earth: children, mothers, fathers, grandparents, friends, siblings…the list goes on and on. You stole the woman that could easily beat me in arm-wrestling, the best cook in the world, and my favorite storyteller and number one fan. I hope you’re happy, and I hope you never come back.

Hatefully yours,

Gianna