So, you want to date my sister. That’s what I am going to be saying to the boy that wants to date my sister when I meet him. I would have already stalked his various social media profiles at length and I probably even know where he lives. Hopefully he has already done his homework aka he has stalked all my social media and knows that if he does anything to my sister I will use my knowledge of where he lives.
If you date my sister you have to be the best. This may seem ridiculous, but you have to be. She doesn’t like most people, so for her to even be talking to you, that really means something.
You have to be the best at talking to her when she is feeling sad, and it better not be because of you.
You have to be the best at texting her back because even if she says she doesn’t care, she does. Believe me. So you better text her back promptly.
You have to be the best at driving because she likes to get food at midnight and driving at night can be dangerous. So I think I am going to have to see your license and registration when we meet.
You have to be the best cook. She can’t have milk products and a lot of things upset her stomach, so you better know what to cook, or what to order. You will most likely be taking her out to eat, right? Good.
You have to be the best at giving hugs. She may not like hugs, people, or touching, but if you are one of the few people she allows to hug her then you better be good at it. Hugs are very important.
You have to be the best at going on adventures. Staying at home can be boring, so if she wants to do something, even if she doesn’t say it outright, you better be prepared and ready for anything. Sometimes just going out for a nice drive will suffice, as long as this drive involves perfect turns, seatbelts, and no speeding.
You have to be the best person to talk to. If she is even remotely giving you the time of day then you better step up your talking points and have some interesting things to say. Her time is important, remember that.
You have to be the best at Instagram. Remember those pictures you took at the lake that you thought you looked good in? Well both of you better look good, especially my sister, and you better put a caption in there that is both witty and cute. Otherwise I will find a way to get your account removed from Instagram. Don’t test me.
You have to be the best with animals. We live in a cat family and it is very obvious. If you can’t hang with cats then you better not be talking to my sister.
You have to be the best at making her feel special. Sometimes this crazy girl doesn’t think she is beautiful, smart, or sexy. I am telling you now, that if you ever make her feel less than you will also be getting used to having less of a certain necessary appendage.
Finally, you have to be the best boyfriend in the world. If she likes you then you have already won me over. I may not like you at times when she decides to spend time with you and not me, but I know she is having fun with someone that likes her for who she is, and I can’t ask for anything more.
If you are able to win her heart then I guess I can acknowledge your existence, but only to a certain extent. Not everyone is going to be in her life, and yes, you will most likely be gone by the end of the year. While you are with her you have to be the best at everything. Anything less than that is not enough. And remember, I know where you live, so just keep that in mind.
