To the Boy Who Broke Me,
You didn’t expect this out of me did you? I’m sure you hoped I’d stay quiet, and bottle everything up inside like I always did. Well, here I am, out in the open and ready to lay everything out on the table. I know we’ve spoken on several occasions since we decided to end things, but there was never a more perfect time than this to tell you how I really feel.
It’s funny that I thought of you while listening to “Love Yourself” by Justin Bieber seeing as he might be the only other person I can’t stand besides you. He talks about how this girl hated his friends, and it reminded me that I basically wasn’t even allowed to have any when I was with you. Also, speaking of friends, remember when we agreed to be just that? Go back to how it was before we even started dating? I can’t believe that I didn’t realize how huge of a mistake that would end up being. Now you’re probably asking yourself “why was that a mistake?” Well, I’m glad you asked.
While we were dating you criticized everything that I did. Literally everything: what I wore, what music I liked to listen to, the way I laugh. At first, I was too damn blind to even see that what you were doing was wrong. I thought you were trying to make me a better girlfriend by constantly making me feel like I wasn’t good enough for you. Everyone was trying to tell me that the way you treated me wasn’t what I deserved, but I never listened because I loved you. I loved you so much that it made me overlook everything you said to me. What makes it even worse is that you still do it now, and I’m not even your girlfriend.
You took away every ounce of confidence I had built up over the years by constantly tearing me down. Slowly, I started to realize what you were doing to me. How toxic you were, how toxic this whole relationship was, but for some reason I couldn’t break up with you. Luckily, you did it. You broke up with me, over a phone call, in case you forgot. That action only made me realize even more that I meant nothing to you, and that’s what broke me. Thinking about everything we shared, everything I did for you, every insecurity I shared with you just to have you use it against me; that is what truly tore me apart. I never thought I would recover from the terrible heartache you left me with.
But I did. I am stronger now than I have ever been, and I’m happy. You pushed me out of your life and into the arms of someone who deserves me and for that, I am so grateful. I don’t hate you, not because I still love you or because I can’t hate you, but because I was raised to find the best in everyone. You needed me more than I ever needed you and you still do. I’m not writing this letter to hurt you but to help you. I want to help you better yourself so you don’t break the next girl like you broke me. I hope you find happiness in the arms of someone who loves you half as much as I did.
I’ll leave you with the Grey’s Anatomy quote that got me through our break up, in hopes that it will make you see how I feel more clearly. “You didn’t love her. You just didn’t want to be alone. Or maybe, maybe she was just good for your ego. Or, or maybe she made you feel better about your miserable life, but you didn’t love her. Because you don’t destroy people you love.” I hope no one destroys you as much as you almost destroyed me. Good luck with everything.
No longer yours,
Me
