Sometimes, people get into the habit of deciding who you are before they even get to know you. The real you. When this happens, they are shocked and become distant if you display any signs of not being that person they decided you are. Well, no thanks. I'd rather reside outside the box.
"People are often unreasonable and self-centered. Forgive them anyway. If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives. Be kind anyway. If you are honest, people may cheat you. Be honest anyway. If you find happiness, people may be jealous. Be happy anyway. The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway. Give the world the best you have and it may never be enough. Give your best anyway. For you see, in the end, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway." Mother Teresa
Growing up, you have so many people that make your decisions for you. That's a good thing! You are in diapers, and probably don't know that the peas are a better alternative for you than Fruity Pebbles. At that stage, of course, your parents are going to choose what you wear, who you have play-dates with and, most importantly, where you go potty. All of this is natural and, frankly, you're alright with it. No control rocks.
As you start go grow up, you begin wanting to make your own decisions even though you still don't have control over much. Sometimes, this is honestly for the best. Still, you don't want to rock the boat or get your pink GameBoy taken away, so you either pout or your attention span has you going back to your lovely little life. But during these years your reputation starts to take hold. Like it or not, the kids that were always a big deal in elementary school end up being more in the spotlight while in high school. You don't have much control over that aspect because it still seems to be other people who are making some major decisions in your life. Not having control starts to not seem so great.
Obviously, change isn't always best received. In high school, people seem to develop their Bible study friends, sports friends, lunch friends, after school friends, or even the friends you go to parties with. Somewhere along the way, you get placed into one of those groups by someone. To them, you need to fit inside of this box that they have created for you in their life so that they don't have to worry about finding out who you really are. To them, the real person is too messy to handle. When this happens, other people are the ones who decide who you are. Sucks, right? You want to make decisions about who you are or, simply, what you do, and you aren't truly allowed to make any of them for yourself. No control sucks.
Compartmentalizing people in your life and making any kind of decisions about who a person is is always detrimental to any relationship. As soon as you break any kind of barrier or make any sort of lifestyle change, friction happens. Relationships crack, friendships get confused, and understanding goes out the window. You're not the person they knew and loved. Who, even, are you?
Well, I'm here to say that you are the one that gets to decide that. Not them.
Life isn't about staying the same person your whole life and relationships sure aren't about being a two-dimensional person that refuses change. It's all about growing with those closest to you all the freaking time! I actually really do learn something new every day, and every day I go to sleep a little wiser and humbler than I woke up. So what if I've made mistakes, developed bad habits, or forgotten a thing or two? Shaming me for learning to be alright with what I've done isn't healthy, and I'm sure not going to stick around for it.
So you don't like that I've found a voice? Does it bother you that I can back up my opinions with facts? How about if I tell you when you're being rude or unfair? See, I'm not afraid of what they think of me anymore. I listen before I speak. I try to understand before I make judgements. I don't put you in a box, so don't put me in yours.
I am changing every day. If you can't accept me for whomever I decide to be that day, then move please because I'm not slowing down or making excuses.
It's not between you and them. This is between who you are and who you want to be. Anywhere in the middle is fine, but nowhere does it say you need to fit inside that overrated little box.
ZLAM!
