I am so sick of having no motivation. I want to be better. I know I can be better. It is like I gave up on trying because I feel like I will never advance in life. It is like I am stuck, frozen, and refuse to move on.
I know I am not dumb. When I actually apply myself, my grades show how intelligent I really am. So why do I always just push my studies, my friends, and everything aside and mope? I was broken. Maybe a past relationship, maybe high school, whatever it was has me spiraling down the wrong road. I do not do drugs or over intoxicate myself, I just lock myself up in my apartment and make myself get slightly more depressed everyday.
It is time for a change. When I see all my friends graduating from college or high school going to these superior schools or graduate schools, I wonder why did I not push my self to "seek the heights". Well, it is not too late. My GPA is not terribly suffering and I still have time to come out unsurpassed. Not that my institution is not awesome because it is, but it is time to approach it as if it is the best.
"Letting yourself go" might have a big impact on me as well. When your freshman 15 turns into the sophomore 20, it is time to start not only applying myself to school, but to my health and fitness as well. Soda and I have become into an overly comfortable relationship and I have left water in the dust. If I stop pouring all these chemicals into my body, I know this will not only help me physically, but mentally too!
As dreadful as studying sounds and saying "C's gets degrees", these both need to be reevaluated. I have been blessed with a beautiful and smart mind, why not use it to the fullest? Sitting on the couch telling myself to go to the library for three hours has to be converted to just getting up, even if I am in pjs, and going to the library.
If I am going to drown myself in debt from going to school, I should make the most out of it. Make it to where I can payoff my loans and make it worth my while. It is time to take advantage of the opportunity and make all of this something to look back on. It is worth the countless hours of studying and working 40 hours a week just to get through college.
Now it is time to actually do these things. Do not just sit on the couch and say you are going to do. Just do it. Do not regret life because of silly, childish mistakes. Make your parents proud. Make yourself proud. Show the world how truly talented you are and never let yourself be in this dark hole again. This state you are in could all be temporary, do not make it permanent. Live your life to the fullest.
