Dear ex-best friends,

You were both significant parts of my life at different time periods, and there was a point in our lives that we truly were best friends. Somehow we seemed to drift apart, and I was oblivious of how much so. I wanted to do everything with you, but you didn’t seem to feel the same way anymore.

Once upon a time, you said we were sisters. Somehow, that was a false statement because sisters never leave each other. Through thick and thin, sisters are there for each other and have each other’s backs. Even when drifting apart, sisters don’t tell you that you're suddenly too clingy and that you need space, or that somehow I am now a judgmental asshole who thinks you're an awful person, which was not true even in the slightest.

When we said we’d be best friends forever, I didn’t know that would be such a false promise.

Sophomore year of high school and junior year of college were not the ideal times for you to let me go, but no time would have been ideal.

Best friend #1 — High school was a scary world to live in without you. We were friends only for a short while before we became best friends in the sixth grade. Five years of being besties, and that’s when you tossed in the towel.

When you eat lunch with someone every day and do everything with that person, who do you turn to when you no longer have them? Luckily, I was able to recover and find some of the people who would continue to be some of my greatest friends today, but it still hurt.

Why did you think I was so clingy? I didn’t know as a best friend that was possible. I thought you wanted to do everything with me, I didn’t know that made me a bad friend.

Best friend #2 — Junior year I wasn’t ready to let go because we had been best friends for 10 years. 10 years of friendship, and you decided that I was not who you wanted in your life. I let you use me as a punching bag this past year, and it hurt to see the way you felt about me. But I let you cool off and let it slide.

When you were offended that I was looking out for you, it hurt me. All I wanted for you was the very best. I just didn’t want you to live with any regrets. It hurt me to see the way you treated your family and when you hurt your mom, who I thought of as my mom as well, that was a line drawn. You seemed to think of your self as entitled to a lot, which was an excuse for your tantrums.

I let it slide again, but I think that was our downfall. Five months later, you tried to apologize, but it was only to make yourself feel better. When I would say something back to you, you didn’t want to hear it. So I didn’t accept your apology. Five months earlier I did, but your pity apology was insincere and lacked truth. You used me as a punching bag once again. I forgave you for it all, because without forgiveness moving on is impossible.

I was ready to move away from the emotional punching bag I had allowed myself to become.

Looking back on the two of our friendships, I don’t regret a single day I spent getting close to you and finding a family within you. We learned and we grew together, sometimes it may have been apart, but it was all for the best. My biggest regret was blowing up back in your faces and escalating the fight. I should have just let you go.

I was fighting so hard against you in those last moments of friendship because I was so deeply wounded in the loss of you. Also, the fact that they were both so harsh and all of a sudden made me take a step back and see if I was the problem. I know relationships are a two way street, but I know now that in the moment we were both at fault. The lack of communication was what killed us.

At the end of the day all I want to say is thank you.

Thank you for 15 years of having that best friend I could rely on. Every second we both put into the friendship was a blessing. I will always be looking out for your best interest, even if we never talk again.

Best friend #1, thank you for giving me a second chance with your friendship. Although we will never be best friends again, I do love seeing you happy and being able to hangout with you. It reminds me of the good times and reminds me that it can all be taken away in a matter of seconds.

To best friends #3 and #4, I know that our friendship is much more stable and equal. I don’t think I was in the right place before college to have that person I would move oceans for.

To you both, I would do so much more. I have learned to be humble, stand my ground, communicate when something doesn’t feel right and to make sure that both of us are heard and cared for.

You two are truly my sisters, and I can’t wait to see what forever brings us. We may fight, but we always come back and we are always there for each other.

I will always love you all.