You have overstayed your welcome for far too long. I never asked you to be here. It’s even hard to pinpoint an exact time you showed up. You’ve just always been there. I’ve had so much taken away from me because you will not leave me alone. I’ve missed out on so many childhood experiences because you made me too nervous to do them.
The countless sleepless nights and panic attacks. The years of switching medication just to numb you. Numerous friendships that have been broken from your interferences. A lifetime of bullying resulted by you not allowing me to stick up for myself for so long. The countless hours in therapy to learn why you’re here and how to get rid of your furtive personality.
It took 20 years, but I’m starting to realize you will never go away.
I’ve had my perspective changed so many times, but I’ve finally settled on one perspective that I don’t believe I’ll be changing anytime soon. I’m sick of your chatoyant eyes always following my every move, but I’ve learned to accept it at the same time.
You are part of me, but you do not define me.
I needed to start learning how to live with you rather than get rid of you. I realize that it is a cause of genetics, not of upbringing. Regardless, you are not an enjoyable entity to lug around each day, but I can’t change that. I’ve gotten used to the feeling that half of who I am is eternally hidden in your penumbra, but I won’t let you mask the entirety of who I am. I have enough strength now to pull most of myself from you, which is better than nothing.
I learned from the difficult situations you’ve caused me to have and now understand how to function with you. I know I will be learning how to handle you every day for the rest of my life, but it gets easier with each passing day. I've developed metaphorical handfuls of coping strategies and the motivation to not let you control me another day longer than you have. I am much stronger than you may think, and no matter how hard you try, you will not destroy me again. I am so much more than you.
However, any time you would like to leave would be greatly appreciated.
A Very Exhausted Girl