Dear Boy,
I would like to start out by saying I’m sorry. I’m sorry I couldn’t be the girl you wanted or needed. I’m sorry I wasn’t enough for you. I’m sorry you didn’t realize what I had to offer you. And I’m sorry you will never know the love you missed out on.
I had been in love with you for five years. From the very first time we met in eighth grade, I knew I would love you. The summer after our senior year was when you asked me out, I had honestly never believed it would actually happen. I no longer had to listen to you tell me how much you loved another girl, or so I thought.
Our relationship encompassed more love than I have ever felt. I can still remember how it felt to love you. It was the most beautiful thing I have ever experienced. So strong and true. I still remember how your hand fit perfectly in mine, I still remember how you kissed me, or how your hugs made me feel safe and carefree.
You taught me how to love that summer. I had never loved a boy before. It was a scary thought, being in love for the first time. But during our summer together we fell in love. I fell in love with the way you talked about your hopes and dreams, especially when they started to include me. I fell in love with the way you had so much love for your family and the way you loved my family. I fell in love with your chubby smile. I even fell in love with your cranky attitude that you had every so often. But most importantly I fell in love with the way you loved me and the way you treated me. It was so easy to fall in love with you. It felt so natural. But I guess it wasn’t the same for you.
I would like to sit here and write about how much I hate you and how badly you treated me. But I can’t. I honestly wish you were an asshole to me so that I could hate you, so that I could have gotten over you easier. Yes, you did end our relationship in possibly one of the worst ways possible, but during our relationship you always treated me right.
I will never forget the memories we made, no matter how distant they become. I will always cherish the night I realized I was in love with you. That night you danced with me in the middle of the mall to no music. It may seem silly to others, but to me, it felt like I was a princess. I will always remember those countless nights at the beach. Or that one special night we went to a secret beach. I will always remember your crazy driving or the way you would kiss me at every red light. I will also remember the little things, like the way you would always drink sprite at a restaurant.
But I will never forget how you didn’t choose me. No matter how fond I am of these memories, or how well you seemed to love me, I will never forget how you ended things. I will never forget how you went behind my back to hang out with that girl. Or the way you played with my feelings just so you could figure out which of us you wanted. But I am NOT an option. Most importantly I will never forget how you told me you couldn’t love me the way you love her. I deserve better.
Even though I could have loved you forever with everything I have, I am glad you didn’t pick me. You saved me from wasting my time and love on someone who didn’t deserve it. So this is goodbye. Goodbye to the memories, I will keep them in a box at the bottom of my closet. Goodbye to missing you, because I’m tired of wasting my time on you. Goodbye to the love, because you don’t deserve my love. Goodbye to the heartache, because my heart belongs to someone else. Goodbye to the tears, because there aren’t any left. Goodbye to our five-year friendship, because you don’t deserve anything from me at this point. Maybe one day our paths will cross again, maybe we will be friends in the future, or maybe not. But until then, this is goodbye.
I will always love you, and you will always hold a spot in my heart. But you are toxic and I DESERVE BETTER.
Goodbye,
The girl you didn’t deserve
