Did you know that 40% of the gamer community is female? SHOCKER I KNOW RIGHT???? That said I have been using some online dating apps and apparently I am a unicorn. For those of you who do not know what that is please take a moment and watch the "universal hot to crazy female" video. It is pretty funny but I want you to keep that term in the back of your mind while we chat today.

1. Nice Guys Finish Last - No I just don't like your personality

So I am using OkCupid right and I add a few of my interests, you know like Game of Thrones, Star Wars, Cosplay, LARP, comic books, etc. The first issue I run into online dating, I cannot tell you how many guys on there literally start out with "You are my dream girl. Beautiful and a nerd OMG marry me", OKAY um no thanks. First and foremost, most of the time these guys are butt ass ugly and I would not even acknowledge in real life. I am not being shallow at all, I just realize I am an attractive woman and I know what I want. That is not a ranked 2 guy who lives in his mom's basement because he can't afford his gaming addiction. Usually, it is that loser who messages me some horrible message trying to tear me down about how "you are a whore" or my favorite "oh have fun with some douchebag, nice guys never get the girl." Hello Lord DoucheBAG you are not a nice guy, you are doing some mental ninja gymnastics to save your own ego by cutting mine down because you cannot deal with rejection. As a super nice and super sensitive person, I won't lie, that shit stings and I literally say fuck you in my head and block your dumb ass. If you are a loser who does this, cut it out. Every woman you do this to literally laughs at how much of a pussy you look like, "BIG MAN MAKING FUN OF A GIRL" how about you catch me outside. Just kidding. But really people need to start acting like they would in public online if you wouldn't say it to my face why email it to me? I have all kinds of rhetoric that could cut you down to the small little man you are, but you're not worth my time or energy so I would literally walk away and treat you like you don't exist. End rant.

2. Why are you single? - Let me tell you about how I am not over my EX

Second questions I refuse to answer this line of questions: How long have you been single? Why are you still single? Why did you and your ex break up? How long have you been divorced? EXCUSE FUCKING ME FOR HAVING A FUCKING PAST, you men are such dumbasses when you're online. Do you really want to know all the details about my ex? No, you really don't, if you are truly interested in me you want me to validate your ego and build your esteem. How is it that you think that asking those questions are appropriate? Why am I single? Oh, I don't know because my ex was an ass hat and now I need to date again, I am just trying to figure out this dating thing and it isn't working out for me all too hot. That is what we all should say when you dicks ask us a loaded question like that. Or if we turn the question back around to you, oh man here come all the details about how your ex-GF was cheating on you with your best friend. I won't even lie, that makes you so unattractive in my eyes, especially when the language is very negative about the ex. Personally, until we get to that date thing if I hear about an ex I bolt. End of the conversation because I do not give two fucks about the girls that came before me and I deserve the same respect. Women are jealous creatures, we want you to think we are the most beautiful and we are the most amazing. Blowing up about your ex really shows us how you are not over them and they are more important. So Sevice announcement fucking quit asking these questions, you dummies.

I have asked many guys why they ask these types of questions and generally I get the same answer, they want to gauge how crazy I or the girl is that they are talking to is. Okay, first off your logic is all off and makes you seem like a predator, to be honest. I mean maybe it is just me and I think about things like that but anyone who wants to know about how my ex beat me up and cheated on me all the time really makes me feel like you are looking for someone who was abused so you can manipulate that person. HUGE RED FLAG! The other part that bothers me, I don't like airing my baggage out to the world to see, okay that is a little bit of a lie because when I write here it is a different type of vent. I am not trying to impress you, the reader. No, I am just putting my voice into the world so it may help someone. But when I am dating I want that new person to get to know me, my passions, my values, my now and future. Not the crap I run away from, so until I know that person please for the love of God stop asking about my ex. You really do not want to know.

3. You can't be real let me Quiz you

The last point about online dating that pisses me off, CLEARLY I AM A NERD, I program software for a living, I like nerdy things, I have hot girlfriends that are the same things I am...blah blah blah...It is the constant quizzing and validating that I am real that pisses me off. Um yes, I have watched Game of Thrones, I can probably kill you at Star Wars Trivia, and YES I cosplay. But I am so much more than the validations hoops you make me jump through. Instead of asking me a stupid question that you probably do not know the real answer to, why not engage me in good rhetoric. Like instead of asking, "What got you into comics, was it an old boyfriend or your brother?" Why not ask me something like this, "I notice that you are a DC girl, what is your take on the relationship dynamics of Harley Quinn and Joker?" Then wait and see what she says. Shows you are intelligent, interested and it is kind of flirty. Boom how to attract a real nerd.

You found a unicorn now what do I say to her?

Okay, I get this all the time, "I wasn't sure what to say to talk to you but I think you are beautiful." I will give you guys this, it seems sweet and you are heading in the right direction with honesty but here is the thing, I don't really know what to say back (and I am good at conversating online). If I respond with "thank you" that door to talk is open. I want you guys to do a better job at getting to know us, do me a favor throw out the old interview questions like "Tell me 3 of your strengths and one weakness and please explain." Honestly, I would love to answer that question because it shows 1 you are interested in getting to know me, 2 you are intelligent and nerd girls like that, and 3 you are a classy dude. I suggest taking a look at some interview guides and learn how to interview girls because we are not that complicated. Okay we are, but you are smart enough to figure this one out.