An Open Letter To The Old Me, One Full Year Post-Toxic Relationship
Start writing a post
Community

An Open Letter To The Old Me, One Full Year Post-Toxic Relationship

You were blindsided.

8
https://www.pexels.com/photo/silhouette-photo-of-man-leaning-on-heart-shaped-tree-744667/
Pexels

Dear Alyssa,

Love was always so desperate. You were always desperate for love. It was almost like it had to happen very soon or else that would be it for you. Love is beautiful and you have always dreamed about what it would feel like.

You thought you knew what it felt like.

You were bought by the fact that love was magical. You were supposed to know that it was love because he looked at you just the right way and you felt the fluttering in your stomach. Deep down, those butterflies scared you, but you thought about it for no more than 10 seconds.

You were supposed to know that it was love because he called you pretty and found different ways to win your heart. He said the things you wanted to hear, and it was music to your ears. You thought you were happy because you thought you found love.

I don't want to be like you ever again. I don't want to go into my next relationship so quickly and assume that some guy is mine forever. I mean, what are we dating for? I don't want to be like you and think that toxicity is love.

It is far from love, but it wears the same disguise.

You wrote about this relationship. You were 100% sure that this guy was the one for you. You constantly thought about him and did many things for him. Through all of that, there were the negatives. The negatives you thought were fake.

How could you not see this? You were blindsided. By the manipulation, by the lies, by the feelings you thought were real. Two years was all it took for you to realize that he was toxic, and he was not for you. Two years too late.

How are you now? Dead and gone. You died the moment you left him one year ago, and you were just a whisper into a goodbye. Who came out of it? I did.

I was the product of your heartbreak, a stronger you. There were no tears shed. Why? Because it wasn't love; it was toxicity, and you fucking knew it. It stared at you in the face, and you didn't feel a damn thing.

He insulted your figure. He fought with you. He got jealous of you, made you think that you were the one at fault, the one to blame for his flaws and mistakes. He broke your heart, but as you were, you believed a good outcome was due because you got through everything with him. "Through thick and thin," right?

Way wrong. Off course. Off-track. Blindsided. A touch of pain, but no tears whatsoever.

But it's okay. Every little thing about him was left behind with the old you. I'm so proud of you. The way you handled everything was perfect, and I never thought you were capable of standing up for yourself. I never thought you would leave him.

But you did, and here I am.

One full year of being single, away from the drama. I didn't have to wake up and send messages right away. I didn't have to deal with the constant pain, the fighting, the stress that it caused. You were at a low point with school and everything, that it would have killed you if you kept at it.

I'm glad you gave it up, and I'm glad I graduated college with no one but myself.

I'm happy that I can be single, worry about me, and start over with love. I know now that I won't be like you ever again. I know my worth now, and what he said/did to me will never happen again and won't ever be tolerated. Toxicity is dangerous and should not be mistaken for love.

Your ghost is here with me. It is a gentle reminder of how strong I thought I was, and how strong I really am now.

Love always,

Alyssa

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Lifestyle

Where To Find The Best Coffee Drinks In America, According To A Survey

Here's the coffee shop where you should get your morning brew.

286686

Coffee, for billions of people, is one of the only things that can get us out of bed (after hitting snooze a time or two), especially in 2020. Because, if we're being honest, is there anything that beats a quality cup of coffee on those mornings when all we wanted to do is roll over and go back to sleep? The answer is no. And if you're headed to a coffee shop to pick up your caffeinated beverage, you don't want to sleep on the best coffee drinks in America.

According to LiveShopper Sassie's Coffee Project survey, when it comes to chain coffee shops, there are definitely preferred spots you'll want to hit up for your go-to order — whether you order the classic, frozen, or flavored coffee, an espresso, tea, or other. To figure out the hot spots, 1,000 coffee drinkers across the United States took to LiveShopper's mobile app, PrestoShopper, to answer various questions about their coffee drinking habits and preferences. In return, these survey respondents got money back for their coffee — something any user who downloads the app can do as well (yes, even you).

Keep Reading... Show less
Lifestyle

The Best Bagel Recipes For Every Personality Type, In Case You Need Another Excuse To Eat Carbs

I'll approve of pasta for breakfast any day, but this is more socially acceptable.

34715
NBC

I've had times in my life at which I've told myself I need to cut out carbs. Those moments last about a minute or two before I start daydreaming about rice and pasta.

Bagels hold a special place in my heart — for many of my college friends and me, a bagel sandwich was the go-to breakfast after a long night of drinking. Years later, I still love to indulge in the occasional carb-filled breakfast. As much as I love putting in an UberEats order from bed, nothing beats the feeling of pulling some fresh-baked bread or pastries out of the oven.

Keep Reading... Show less
Content Inspiration

Survey: Which Issues Are The Most Important To You In The 2020 Election

If you're a first-time voter or voting by mail for the first time, we want to hear your story.

100822

The general election on Tuesday, November 3, 2020, will decide not only the next president of the United States but also which political party controls the House of Representatives and the Senate. Young and first-time voters will play a crucial part in determining the result.

Keep Reading... Show less
Tips

Articles To Write If You're All About Saving More Money, And Waking Up A Little Bit Earlier

Get your day started right — and keep that budget tight.

226671

For all the young professionals, parents, and students out there who've been working, learning, or even teaching remote — 2020 has likely been the longest year of your life. If you didn't know (sorry), we've been locked down for over 200 days now, and chances are, you are ready for it to be OVER.

Keep Reading... Show less

Scrolling through Instagram can get stale after a while, especially if you're constantly refreshing in the hopes of finding something new and exciting. Should you be looking to add some inspiration to your timeline in the form of self-love tips, relationship advice, or love secrets, here are 11 relationship coaches you'll LOVE following.

Keep Reading... Show less
Lifestyle

How Much Of A Coffee Snob You Are, Based On Where You Live

Your state may determine how picky you are about your coffee.

136004

When it comes to coffee, everyone has different criteria for what goes into their "perfect cup." Some caffeine lovers, though, are extra particular when it comes to their beloved beverage. One survey found that the state you're from (or the one you live in now) may play a part in determining how much of a coffee snob you actually are.

LiveShopper Sassie, the company behind this Coffee Project survey, received input from 1,000 coffee drinkers via their mobile app, PrestoShopper, to ask various questions about their coffee drinking habits and preferences. In return, these survey respondents got money back for their coffee — something any user who downloads the app can do as well (yes, even you).

Keep Reading... Show less

If you are a college freshman, or new to college, this is for you. If you are in a new time in life where you don't know where this change is going to take you, where you might not have your community yet, this is for you. Or even if you are stuck in a rut of everyday life where the new normal is quarantine and isolation, this is also for you.

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

As Illinois Reaches Its Highest Death Toll Since June, I Urge You To Stay Home And Wear Your Mask

69 COVID-19 deaths were recorded in a twenty-four-hour period, the highest amount since June of this year.

2371
Photo by Noah on Unsplash

As we are approaching colder weather, we are also approaching a spike in COVID-19 cases throughout the state of Illinois. On October 21, 2020, Illinois recorded its largest daily COVID-19 death toll since June of this year. According to the Illinois Department of Public Health, 69 deaths of people who contracted COVID-19 were recorded within a twenty-four-hour period, raising the state's death toll to 9,345 since the start of the pandemic.

Keep Reading... Show less
Swoon

9 Halloween Role Play Costumes That'll Make Your Partner Want To Jump Your Bones

Whoever thinks dress up is only for Halloween is seriously disturbed.

2562

When "Mean Girls" said "In girl world, Halloween is the one time of the year where you can dress up like a total slut and no one can do or say anything about it," they were damn right. Halloween is the perfect excuse to buy that raunchy costume and show your partner that you're that B. Coming from a very single (yes, very single) 20 something-year-old, I have already got my Halloween costume on lock, and now you will too.

Not only are these 10 Halloween costumes dangerously sexy, but you can wear them in the bedroom whenever you want to give your boo a surprise, yes, year-round. Whoever said you can only dress up on Halloween is seriously disturbed.

Keep Reading... Show less

Ariana Grande released her first single called "positions" since "boyfriend" with Social House and it is a BANGER. This song is absolutely incredible and I am SURE you will agree with me once you listen.

I'm a sucker for a single with a video and that's exactly what we got. Ariana's been pretty quiet during the pandemic, and we all assumed she was working on some new music, and we were right.

Keep Reading... Show less
Politics and Activism

Rejection Of Black Lives Matter Mural By Phoenix City Council Doesn’t Stop Gizette Knight

The Phoenix City Council rejected a proposal for a Black Lives Matter Mural in downtown Phoenix. But Gizette Knight says this is not the end.

1279
Photo by Josh Olalde on Unsplash

Community organizer Gizette Knight, CEO of Reality Dreams LLC, is not giving up on the Phoenix City Council's rejection of the Black Lives Matter mural.

Keep Reading... Show less

For me, chai isn't just what I drink — it's a core part of who I am. Sure, I'll switch it up every now and then with a cup of English Breakfast, Earl Grey, rose, or Darjeeling, but I always come back to chai.

Nearly every tea lover has one tea they repeatedly drink and go back to, whether it's a daily morning ritual or an afternoon pick-me-up. One of my good friends has almost eight cups of jasmine tea every single day — she drinks more tea than water, actually.

Keep Reading... Show less

In a world where physical contact is a liability, the ease of slipping into despair and isolation has never been so tempting. Perhaps the greatest kindness we can lend to one another is reaching out to the people that meant something to us before everything changed. Here's why you should message your friend today.

Keep Reading... Show less
Facebook Comments