*Warning* This article may be emotional.
One year ago today I was in a rollover car accident on Highway 60 between Amarillo and Panhandle Texas. It was a road I'd driven over one hundred times. It was a clear, warm day. Nothing should have gone wrong, but everything did. In a matter of seconds I went from driving my car and cracking jokes with my cousin to being on the opposite side of the road covered head to toe in my own blood. I remember checking myself for any damage and realizing that I didn't have a left hand anymore, but a lump of hamburger meat. That's when it all hit me. I'd been in an accident, my hand was destroyed, and I was going into shock. From that moment onward I put all of my energy into remaining as calm as one can in such a situation. I remember the ambulance ride, I remember being in the hospital, and I remember leaving, but I don't remember the accident. To most of you this will come as a surprise, because I've told everyone exactly what happened a million times. Turns out I'm a big liar. I've pieced together some things based on the evidence around me, and honestly I don't care. I don't care about any of the minute details of what exactly cost me my fingers, because the most important thing is still a mystery. I've told people what caused the accident, but honestly I have no idea. I'm missing everything that lead up to it. I destroyed my hand and could've killed my cousin, and I have no clue how it happened. No matter what I do, no matter what I try, the only thing I remember is blank static. It keeps me up at night.
The next year would put me through more than I had experienced in the first 18 years of my life. I've written on this before, but I lost almost everything. I was no longer a college student, I no longer got to see my friends, and most importantly I was no longer the same person. I've never been bitter or angry until after the accident. I always tried to be happy and positive, but I was so miserable I just couldn't do it. I woke up everyday and wore a smile like you wear a shirt. I couldn't find work so I spent everyday at my house hating myself. It felt like I was choking and couldn't gasp a breath. The anger and bitterness had swallowed me whole. It felt like the whole world was against me. I treated most people like they were garbage because I felt like garbage. Luckily with time, as with most things, I began to feel better. I started to realize I wasn't the same person. I started to want to live again, and I began the process to recovery.
It wasn't easy, but in one year I've reversed most of the negative aspects of my experience. I've got two jobs, I can see my friends whenever I want, I'm going back to school, and most of all I'm happy again. I took all the negative the universe threw my way and used it to make myself better.
It's been one year since my accident, but more importantly, It's been one year since my life truly began. I don't know where I'll be one year from now, but for the moment, the sun is rising and opportunity awaits.
