Hey Handsome,

First off, I want to say that this is not a manipulative play to win you back. I've been as mature about this breakup as I knew how to be. I respected your decision even though I didn't agree with it. I went away quietly, only spoke kind words about you when asked by people we both knew what happened between us, and never contacted you after you made your decision. I'm simply writing this so that I can get some closure, because I wasn't ready to face my feelings about us until now.

I fell hard for you. I didn't want to because my track record with relationships has never been stellar. I've had my heart broken so many times and in so many ways I could write a survival guide for the brokenhearted. Between being cheated on, lied to, disrespected,and treated like a doormat I had it in my head that I was destined to be alone. Then you come into my life, with your kindness, intelligence, and killer smile, and I knew I was a goner. Every time you smiled, made me laugh, showed your kindness or even when I noticed one of your flaws, I couldn't help but fall even harder for you.

I would have done anything for you. Between me rearranging my schedule to make as much time as I could for you and trying to be there for you the best way I knew how, I couldn't have imagined you doing any wrong. I thought I had finally found my perfect match, and I couldn't have been any happier.

Sadly, we weren't meant to last long. One little fight turned into an ugly monster that reared its head over and over, to the point it became too much to handle. I was insecure about your feelings toward me, and you seemed to hate that about me. I wanted reassurance, and you expected me to already have it. I have a hard time trusting people, and I should have trusted you, but I didn't trust you in a way that you wanted me to. Which lead to breaking up over me once again, questioning your trust. I, in your words, "flipped an emotional switch that couldn't be undone." I've never had eight words haunt me so much in my entire life. I had never felt pain like I had when I read those words on my phone screen. I had never once had someone be able to crush my heart with one sentence.

This entire summer, I've spent time over analyzing ever detail of what happened that day. I've been through hundreds of "what if" situations, I've cried, I've gotten angry, I thought of ways to get even, cried some more, and countless other tactics to try and get over you. I've went to text you hundreds upon hundreds of times, only to delete the apologies and feelings I've typed. It's been hard. Torn between hating you, and then listening to my heart that says I should fight for you. My heart and head can't seem to agree on what exactly it is that I want, and truthfully, I'm still not sure.

So here I am, not quite brave enough to tell you these things in person, but brave enough to know there's a possibility you will see this. I don't know if you don't care that we didn't make it, if you hate me, if you're holding some unresolved feelings like I am, or if you're simply over it. Whatever the case, I truly do wish you the best.

Love,

The Broken Hearted Me