I separated an excerpt from one of the books I was reading last week. The excerpt was from “Gone Girl” written by Gillian Flynn. The passage read “Because isn’t that the point of every relationship: to be known by someone else, to be understood? He gets me. She gets me. Isn’t that the simple magic phrase?” (Flynn) I found it interesting that every relationship could be boiled down to one phrase, as magical or not magical it may be. I thought it difficult to put every relationship of mine into perspective in terms of which I valued higher than others in terms of “getting” each other.

And, while I thought that this was too simple of a measurement of satisfaction in a relationship, I found that it actually held some value. When you think that your “special counterpart” gets you and understands you, you might believe in turn that your relationship is better off.

Wouldn’t it make sense that you love the person who knows your family, knows your ups and your downs, knows your friends, understands your career and professional goals, understands your passions and ticks, knows your favorite shirt, knows your favorite snack food, knows what you love doing on a lazy Sunday, and your strengths and weaknesses?

If you don’t have to explain yourself, you feel welcomed and accepted, right? If you feel accepted you feel comfortable, right? If you feel comfortable, you will be more inclined to let all of the chips fall where they may and maybe fall in love, right? Well, maybe. Maybe it takes more, but maybe at the root of relationships this is actually “it.”

Perhaps however, there’s only one true person out there who will truly “get” you. Maybe, that’s how you know. Maybe, just maybe, when another person knows everything about you and chooses to accept every part of you, and you the same for them, that’s the relationship you should keep forever.

Perhaps having many relationships and getting to know a ton of people helps us learn more about ourselves so that when the best suited person comes along and understands us as we understand ourselves is exactly how you “know.”

And yet, there’s another dimension of our own cultural times that builds upon “getting” someone, and further, even getting to know someone. The New York Times in late 2014 created an application for a “Modern Love Essay.” One of the essays that was entered in this category, although not a winner, was David Webster’s article entitled “Swiping Right on Tinder, but Staying Put.” His article shares his personal dilemma of wanting to meet people, connect with people, and never acting on Tinder matches.

I found it most interesting that he noted that most people with whom he chatted with or “messaged” with on Tinder both shared the common anecdote of laughing that they were using Tinder. Why are we embarrassed to be using a social media app that is directed towards meeting people? Perhaps it is because we swipe right because we find the counterpart on our phone attractive or witty based on their profile, but still we are publicly using an app to meet people so instead of embarrassment, we should feel confidence and pride in our decision to help change a stage in our life. Or, maybe you just want to find a hookup in which case Tinder provides an entirely different spectrum of possibilities for you not specifically applicable to the meat of this article.

While Webster does not delve into the personal descriptions that individuals leave on their Tinder profiles, they are crucial in today’s equation of “getting” someone. In one short sentence or phrase, we are told that we must provide each other with a description of ourselves that embodies exactly who we are. This way someone who comes upon our profile can decide if we are potentially compatible.

Doesn’t this seem a bit extreme? Doesn’t it sound a tad bit bizarre that if we put a joke or comment in our bio that someone doesn’t find instantly funny we are no longer in the running to be the next match on their Tinder profile? Maybe we need to swipe right on everyone to give each person a shot at being the next “it” person in your life because how else would you know if they are right or wrong for you if you never try?

All aspects of dating and talking and texting and hitting it off for you and your possible future significant others are hypothetical, I understand that, however, I am confident in my opinion that you won’t hit it off with anyone or have the chance to truly “get” someone in a relationship if you close yourself off to every opportunity.

You can’t “get” someone in a relationship if you never have one.

So, maybe we don’t “get” what makes up a perfect and satisfying relationship, but then again, maybe we’ll find who “gets” us and figure it out along the way.