As a consequence of a recent rejection, I have revisited how Christians conceptualize dating and how that relates to responsibilities specific to either gender role. I have always felt incapable and undeserving of the privilege of a partner on account of the realities of my financial situation for the time being. Though in corporate worship they maintain political neutrality, my voting generally Democrat would be a deal breaker for most of them before I even make an approach. Every time that it’s brought up on Christian media, I want to put a hole through my computer. If I’m not to be dated, yet see so much nonsense amongst people that are dating, what does that say about how God sees me? If Jesus loves us in our mess, yet there’s all these stipulations, what is the real agenda? That said, I’d rather put more emotional effort into work and developing hobbies.
I have never really been sure of whether or not being friends with a person before dating a person made it less weird or not. From a standpoint of either what social psychology says about what works in attraction or small communities of people brought together on a specific religious matter, it makes sense. However, I have a family history’s worth of shotgun weddings and asking out on dares initiated by women as well as men. Sometimes pregnancies have even happened in the midst of long distance on- again- off- agains reaching their denouement. I am in a family where love reaches across faiths, politics, and races.
After some reading into it, I’m deeper into the onion. Christian dating and worldly dating point fingers as to which is more emotionally destructive. Christian dating is different from worldly dating in that Christian dating has no chance of sex in the early stages, and playing house is considered unwise on account of the risk of temptation being high. Christian dating and worldly dating both have the issue of there being no real advice in regards to the timing of the early stages and no real advice in terms of how to respect emotional boundaries because everybody’s comfort levels are different- a slight difference being that Christian dating quietly respects the different comfort levels; whereas, worldly dating makes that point with a sledgehammer.
Say what you will about the complementarian versus egalitarian debates (which somehow for reasons left unexplained to me has become heavily and possibly unnecessarily intertwined with the Trinitarian debates raging amongst prominent theologians these days), but I think it is in males to compete and protect, and in that, they have the responsibility to take a negative reception of their advances with a certain grace about themselves, which emotionally protects the woman. If you don’t let a man compete, if you don’t let a man protect, just from personal experience, it constricts their energy.
With or without God, the struggle of a human being is to be true to yourself while still adequately addressing the needs of others. The question is, who out there like me is casually spiritual because baggage?
