On the Importance of Saying What You Need to Say

On the Importance of Saying What You Need to Say

If John Mayer hasn't convinced you yet

We all have something we need to say. Whether you need to stand up to the person who constantly puts you down or find the courage to tell someone how you feel before it's too late, chances are there is something constantly lingering in the back of your mind, waiting to be set free. Maybe you've tried before, but every time the words form in the back of your throat you choke them back down. Maybe you've swallowed your words so many times that you've forgotten what you're own voice sounds like. Maybe you're afraid because you know your words have the power to change things and that terrifies you. It can be scary to put yourself on the line and say how you feel, but it's important to overcome these fears, because if you sit back and hold your tongue, you'll never get what you really want out of life. Even worse you'll spend a lifetime wondering what could have happened if you only had the courage to say what you needed to say.

In the world we live in, everyone is so worried about 'keeping their chill.' Taylor Swift was right on the money when she wrote, "This is looking like a contest of who can act like they care less." Society has made it seem like caring too much is a bad thing and that we need to keep our feelings to ourselves to avoid being perceived as weak. We look up to people who are able to shut out their feelings and remain calm and collected in times of hardship. We are so afraid of telling someone what's on our mind because it requires us to abandon our rough exteriors and show people that we actually have *gasp* feelings. This is why we let ourselves wait to text someone back even when we want to respond right away. This is why we drive ourselves crazy trying to figure out how someone feels about you instead of just asking them. It's what keeps us up at night wondering and waiting for someone to speak up first.

The truth of the matter is, acting like you don't care in order to be 'chill', isn't worth it. Screw what society tells about caring too much. Whether or not we admit it, we all care a little bit too much about something. Holding back your feelings isn't going to make you feel better or give you any closure. Holding back what you need to say can end in one of two ways; you're going to spend forever wondering what would have happened, or it's going to spill out all at once without any warning. If you hold back, you'll never know and a part of you will always feel like you missed out on something worthwhile. On the other hand, if you keep holding things in, eventually they won't have anywhere else to go and they're all going to break free. This is what leads to embarrassing drunk texts and long overdue arguments that could have easily been avoided.

And if you really think about it, what is the worst that could happen if you tell someone how you feel? Sure, you may not get the answer that you want, or even any answer at all, but even these things seem small in comparison to not knowing. If there's something that you need to say, just getting it out and knowing that you said everything that you was on your mind is a huge relief. You'll feel better having a definitive answer than you ever would being curious. In this sense, telling someone how you feel is always better than holding it in.

And what if it saying what you need to say leads to everything you've ever dreamed of? The best things in life don't come from sitting back and waiting. Chances are someone needs to say something to you, and is just as scared as you are. By saying what's on your mind, you can give others the courage to do the same, and you can open up endless possibilities and opportunities. Speaking your mind seems like such a small thing when you think of all the good that can come out of it.

I'm not saying that telling someone how you feel is always going to be easy, but it is always going to be worth it. People will respect you more if you aren't afraid to say what's on your mind because they won't have to guess. So if there is something that you really need to say to someone just go for it, chances are you won't regret it. As John Mayer sings, "It's better to say too much, than never to say what you need to say again."

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To The Boy Who Will Love Me Next

If you can't understand these few things, leave before things get too involved

To the boy that will love me next, I need you to know and understand things about me and my past. The things I have been though not only have shaped the person I’ve become, but also sometimes controls my life. In the past I’ve been used, abused, and taken for granted, and I want something real this time. The guys before you were just boys; they didn’t know how to treat me until it was too late. They didn’t understand how to love me, until I broke my own heart. Before you truly decide to love me I want you to understand these things.

When I tell you something, please listen.

I’m my own person, I want to be loved a certain way. If I ask you to come over and watch movies with me please do it, if I ask for you to leave me alone for a few hours because it’s a girl’s night please do it. I don’t just say things to hear my own voice, I say things to you because it’s important to my life and the way I want to be loved. I’m not a needy person when it comes to being loved and cared for, but I do ask for you to do the small things that I am say.

Forgive my past.

My past is not a pretty brick road, it is a highway that has a bunch of potholes and cracks in it. I have a lot of baggage, and most of it you won’t understand. But don’t let my past decided whether you want to love me or not. My past has helped form who I am today, but it does not define who I am. My past experiences might try and make an appearance every once in a while, but I will not go back to that person I once was, I will not return to all that hurt I once went though. When I say those things, I’m telling the complete and honest truth. I relive my past every day, somethings haunt me and somethings are good reminds. But for you to love me, I need you to accept my past, present and future.

I’m just another bro to the other guys.

I have always hung out with boys, I don’t fit in with the girl groups. I have 10 close girlfriends, but the majority of my friends are guy, but don’t let this scare you. If I wanted to be with one of my guy friends I would already be with him, and if you haven’t noticed I don’t want them because I’m with you. I will not lose my friendships with all my guy friends to be able to stay with you. I will not cut off ties because you don’t like my guy friends. I have lost too many buddies because of my ex-boyfriends and I promised myself I wouldn’t do that again. If you don’t like how many guy friends I have you can leave now. Don’t bother trying to date me if you can accept the fact I’m just another bro.

I might be a badass, but I actually have a big heart.

To a lot of people I come off to be a very crazy and wild girl. I will agree I can be crazy and wild, but I’m more than that. I’m independent, caring, responsible, understanding, forgiving, and so such more type of woman. Many people think that I’m a badass because I don’t take any negatively from anyone. Just like we learned when we were younger, “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say it at all.” Most people can’t do that in today’s world, so I stick up for myself and my friends. I don’t care what anyone thinks about me, or their option on how I live my life. The only thing I care about is being able to make myself happy. Even though I’m an independent woman, understand that I do have a big heart. Honesty when I truly care for someone I will do just about anything they ask, but don’t take advantage of this. Once you take advantage of this part of me, all respect will be lost for you.

I’m hard to love.

Sometimes I want to be cuddle and get attention, and sometimes I don’t want you to talk to me for a couple hours. Sometimes I want you to take me out for a nice meal, but sometimes I want a home cooked meal. Every day is different for me, sometimes I change my mind every hour. My mood swings are terrible on certain days, and on those days you should probably just ignore me. I’m not easy to love, so you’ll either be willing to find a way to love me, or you’ll walk out like so many others have.

I’m scared.

I’m scared to love someone again. I’ve been hurt, heartbroken, and beat to the ground in my past relationships. I want to believe you are different, I want to hope things will truly work out, but every relationship has always ended up the same way. I’m scared to trust someone, put my whole heart into them, just to be left and heartbroken again. I sick and tired of putting my whole body and soul into someone for them to just leave when it is convenient for them. If you want to love me, understand it won’t be easy for me to love you back.

When “I’m done.”

When I say “I’m done” I honestly don’t mean that I’m done. When I say that it means I need and want you to fight for me, show me why you want to be with me. I need you to prove that I’m worth it and there’s no one else but me. If I was truly done, I would just walk away, and not come back. So if I ever tell you, “I’m done,” tell me all the reasons why I’m truly not done.

For the boy who will love me next, the work is cut out for you, you just have to be willing to do it. I’m not like other girls, I am my own person, and I will need to be treated as such. For the boy that will love me next, don’t bother with me unless you really want to be with me. I don’t have time to waste on you if you aren’t going to try and make something out of us. To the boy who will love me next, the last thing I would like to say is good luck, I have faith in you.

Cover Image Credit: Danielle Balint

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