A couple of weeks ago, I spent fifteen minutes writing an article that I then spent four days staring at, trying to decide whether or not I was going to press submit. I decided a long time ago that the less people know about my personal life, the better off I would be. All of that changed when I took the courage to tell anyone who wanted to read that the life that I had made look good on the surface had become pretty ugly behind the curtain. I poured my past and my bitterness out onto my keyboard, not expecting so many people to even want to read it....but that wasn't what happened. People read, and the image I had once created was no longer there because I finally wanted you all to know that it just wasn't true. However, as I've read that piece a few more times in the past few days, I've realized something: I told you about all of the bad things that happened to me, but I left out the aftermath, and therefore... I forgot to tell you all of the good parts.

There I was, all of the plans I thought I had for my life were suddenly swept out from under my feet, right? As it turns out, my life would eventually find a new plan for itself. I went back to doing all of the things I had once loved and forgotten about somewhere along the way. I've started painting and reading again, I get away from my phone when I'm sick of it, I speak my opinion without worrying about who will be there to tell me that it's wrong, I sing in the shower, I do whatever it is that makes me happy on any given day. I learned that just because you have a plan doesn't mean it should be your plan.

So then, I found out that I was going to have to swallow my pride and allow myself some support, and, well, I found out that I have been blessed with some of the most beautiful people that this world has to offer, people that I don't have to feel uncomfortable around, no matter whether I'm laughing, crying, panicking, or fuming. Beyond the ones that I knew were always going to be there for a phone call or a weekend reunion, the world decided to serendipitously give me two friends that prove that soulmates can exist as friends too. No matter how independent I believe that I am, I know now that I'll always have so many amazing people to lean on.

Sometimes we don't get to choose the direction our lives go in even though we are the ones trying to force it into the direction we want. I sure as hell didn't think I would be writing about damage and abuse and anxiety, knowing that it was about me and not just someone I sort of knew. Either way, here I am, telling you that yeah, our pasts are never the ones that we really wanted for ourselves, but if you keep looking up, and keep moving forward, and keep being thankful for the people who love you, that's all that really matters in the end.