I would like to start off bluntly by stating one simple occurring fact that has followed me around for the better decade of my life- and that fact is: I am insecure. Like every other person that walks around with their head up but shoulders hunched- I have insecurities rooted deep within me. I cannot recall when the first time I looked into the mirror and thought in a tiny distraught voice “I am ugly...”, “I am fat..”, or “I am stupid..”. Which I find peculiar, because I have gotten to a point time and time again where my insecurities were the only thing that occupied my heavy mind.
I remember being ten years old and watching beautiful thin girls on TV falling in love with boys while sucking in my gut. I remember being thirteen and feeling my cheeks turn red hot when I overheard girls snickering about the clothes I wore. I remember being fifteen, sobbing- with my head in the toilet. I remember being seventeen and slicing into myself because I truly believed that I was worthless. Today, I am nineteen with a history of self-hate- but a longing for unconditional self-love.
There are several pathways to self-love- people who dedicate their whole lives in helping others find peace within themselves. There are countless articles, books, and poems about the subject itself. Yet, somehow it impossible for me to obtain. For years, I tried to make myself better in hopes that my insecurities would fade away. However, it did not take long to realize that no matter how small I made myself, how many books I read, or how much make-up I caked on, there was still an unsettling feeling that I was not enough. This triggered me intensely, and I was in a dark and hateful place for years- that virtually nobody knew about, because I was ashamed.
Friends, this is a hard topic to talk about. Not only because it is personal, but because everyone has rooted insecurities that they battle with every day. I wish I could tell you that I have fully recovered from the years of self-loathing, but my heart still aches from time to time with self-doubt and hate.
I will, however, end on a cliché: life is too short to spend hating yourself. Please realize that you are your harshest critic and that each and every one of you has something to offer the world. To achieve true self-love- you must look within yourself- and be okay with the fact that you are a human being with flaws. But along with flaws are smiles, glistening eyes, and soulful hands. More than that, you are someone’s sister, brother, lover, child, and student. Even if the nights are too long and your heart is too full- please remember that someone loves you.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read this article.
