I’m guilty of disbelieving in love.
I’m guilty of downplaying the importance of relationships, both platonic and romantic, in life.
I’m guilty of living under the illusion that I’d rather be alone.
Frankly, some people are better off alone. I’ve met people who are perfectly happy alone. That sort of happiness stems from oneself, and it’s an amazing thing to see someone who is so content in life that he or she doesn’t need to rely on another person to feel happy.
But, let me be blunt: Sharing happiness with another person does not make those people weaker, lesser or anything less significant than the person who is completely satisfied alone.
Relationships are hard work. Relationships are not worth it sometimes. But, I think when they’re worth it, they’re one of the best things that could potentially happen to a person.
So, my first point is that you can be entirely happy alone, and you can be entirely happy in a relationship, and both are of equally significant value. The idea is that we don’t shame a person for needing someone else; the idea is that we don’t discount a person’s strength for leaning on a boyfriend or girlfriend. And the same goes for friendship. It is OK to need someone else, and I don’t think we talk about that enough.
Point number two. I’m going to make a broad, generalized statement, though, it’s one I know I can narrow down and one I know at least a handful of my peers will agree with: We live in a time and place where relationships, more often than not, are not valued.
This is not me saying I’d rather live during a different decade because every decade has its problems and because I don’t think moving backward in time would change this issue. I do my best to make sense of the desensitization and lack of worth people place on honest, open and considerate romantic relationships.
I won’t say my boyfriend is perfect; I won’t say I’m perfect. Our relationship isn’t 100 percent perfect, but it’s authentic. Our relationship is a partnership; we’re a team. He cares about what I think, and I care about what he thinks. Are we always sensitive to one another’s feelings and needs? Probably not. But, love is a learning experience, and in love, you grow with your person.
No one is perfect, but when I watch people I know treating relationships like toys, it makes me a little sad. I won’t name names, but I’ve recently, throughout the past few months, watched a friend toy with another friend’s emotions – it became a game of cat and mouse because she was bored and he was an easy target. That’s what I think it was, anyway.
I watched one relationship disintegrate as another one, or so I thought, bloomed. Sad as it is, the new relationship collapsed on a foundation that stemmed from lies and lust and all the wrong reasons, and people change, and it’s disappointing.
And I was supposed to be rooting for my friends, and I did, but what about the other person involved in the former relationship? Maybe it was intentional, maybe not, but it was wrong. It seemed, to this girl, that it was all a game. And I guess the point of the anecdote was that emotions are not a game. You can really fuck someone up by toying with his or her feelings.
When I turned 18, my dad gave me some valid advice: You work hard, and you never, ever intentionally hurt anyone’s heart (and I’m sure he meant by cheating, being a dick, etc.).
Love isn’t having a “side hoe.” Love isn’t controlling your significant other because you identify as a “psycho bitch” and because you and your friends can laugh about it. Truthfully, that’s a meme I’m tired of seeing because there isn’t anything healthy about an abusive relationship.
Love isn’t ignoring the person you care about. Love isn’t disregarding that person’s hopes and dreams. Love isn’t about money. Love isn’t about gifts. Love isn’t about accepting behaviors that harm you or the other person, physically or emotionally.
Love isn’t about social media. Love isn’t about a lack of social media. Love isn’t about whether or not your person texts you back instantly or whether he or she waits hours to do so. People are busy, and we’re grown-ups. I’m tired of seeing the “if you don’t text her back someone else will” meme. There has got to be more value to a relationship than that.
Sure, they’re Internet jokes, but when Internet jokes become real life, and people start exhibiting those behaviors we laugh at online, it becomes a problem.
Love is respect. Love is understanding. Love is unconditional, but not blind.
What’s the moral of my ramble here? I’m not entirely sure, but I am sure there’s no point in being apathetic or cynical about matters of the heart. You’ve got one life, and if you’re lucky enough to find your person, why not cherish it?
