A phrase I hear all far too often is, "Louis, you are such an old man."
What? No, I'm not. I'm only twenty-something years old. Wait, how old am I exactly? And it is in that response that I realize, I am an 80 year old man trapped in the body of a much younger person.
So dear reader, for the next few minutes, I will take you through my process of formally evaluating my life.
First and foremost, I feel tired, all the time. And I know that the greatest gift God has given to humankind is the ability to nap any and every afternoon. I know that I need to be put down for a solid hour around 2:30 every afternoon, or else I become irritable at dinner and am less likely to like you. I become, as those closest to me put it, "a grump." Which takes me to my next point.
I am constantly grumpy. Probably because I hardly ever get my nap. Being grumpy is my only solace for long days. I know that being grumpy means I will have to give minimal effort in being sociable with other "humans" I encounter. Being grumpy can be fun too. How many witty things can I say to people so they stop bothering me? The less people that bother me, the quicker I can get to bed. The quicker I get to bed, the quicker tomorrow comes and the quicker I get to my next nap. Have I mentioned how much I love naps?
But this leads to another reason I get labeled as "old." I love sleep, and I love going to sleep early. Ideally, I would be in bed by 9:30 p.m. every night. Heck, 8:30 would be great. But it becomes a struggle when life doesn't give you the option to go to bed early. Now I am forced to stay up later which means I am borrowing against my energy for tomorrow which means I will need a nap. But knowing my schedule, I will probably not get a nap. Which means now I am grumpy. But, on the chance that I got a nap today, I can push back my bedtime a solid hour. Woohoo, 10:30pm, here I come! Someone bring me my Scotch!
Those who know me know this all too well, but I love whiskey regardless of where it is from. American whiskey such as Kentucky bourbon, Tennessee mash whiskey, Rye, Canadian, Irish (preferably a single malt) or even Australian whiskey. I love it all. Everyone else can keep their vodkas, their gin, their rum, just leave me and my nice glass of whiskey alone.
"At your age, you should go out and drink at the club and go dancing." No thank you, I will take my glass of 18-year-old Scotch and watch the PBS special on black holes that I have been waiting all week for. That sounds like a win to me!
So if I was born in 1992, and it is currently 2016, I am 24, but since I was born in November, that makes me 23? But if there was a leap year and a new moon, that makes..
Oh well. Where's my whiskey? It's time for my nap!
