Feminism: noun. The advocacy of women's rights on the grounds of political, social and economic equality to men.
Let me begin by saying that I think feminism was and is extremely important to our society. I believe in equal pay for equal work, I believe that women should have equal opportunities and I believe there should stop being certain expectations for women, their sexuality and how they behave. However, I believe that feminism turning into a fad, with women becoming feminist solely for the punny T-shirts rather than a social stance has some negative aspects that accompany it's important influence on our culture.
Feminism has turned into a man hating, girl shaming, protest inducing campaign that's losing sight of what's really important. Women can't move to executive positions in companies as easily as men, get paid less money than men, own less property than men and get blamed for rape because they are asking for it. It tortures me to see such an important issue turn into such a silly debate over relationship roles.
For some reason, you don't see girls complaining when a guy holds a door for them, pays for dinner or buys them a drink at the bar. Yet when it comes to a stereotypical female role, such as cooking dinner or cleaning, it's sexist and shamed. And quite frankly, I think that's sexist.
The main difference between sexism and acceptable gender roles lies in what is appreciated, what is expected, and what is demanded. I appreciate my boyfriend taking me out to dinner, I expected him to make the first move before we were dating, and I demand him to kill any bugs that get into the house because I'm too scared. I think these are reasonable, although based upon gender norms, and relatively harmless. However, if I were to demand him to take me to dinner, that would be unfair and sexist. These three differences apply to women as well. My boyfriend appreciates when I cook him dinner, expects me to look cute once in a while, and demands me to respect myself and our relationship. People get caught up on equality, but don't realize that two nickels is equal to a dime. Men and women in a relationship (or not) don't necessarily have the exact same wants and needs as each other, but that doesn't mean they're being sexist.
The importance is knowing what is reasonable to be something you appreciate, something you expect and something you demand. For example, this man demanding 300 sandwiches from his girlfriend in order for him to propose is absurd. This is not only because no one should have to earn an engagement through making him food rather than making him happy, but also because 300 sandwiches is not a realistic demand.
That being said, it's OK to make your boyfriend a sandwich! And make him 300 if you really want. Extreme feminists and disrespectful men alike have used "make me a sandwich" as a slogan for either what they say or refuse to do. And I think this is where feminism has gone wrong. I agree that no man should assume you'll be in an apron every day while you simultaneously cook dinner, clean the house and wait on his every need. But that doesn't mean you're being a bad woman or bad feminist if you do these things sometimes. I love cooking my boyfriend dinner, not because I love cooking or have nothing better to do, but because part of being in a relationship is making each other happy. Just like he takes me on dates, not because he has tons of money to blow, but because he knows it makes me feel special.
I am a feminist and I know feminism is necessary, but it needs to continue guiding our politics and social norms towards equality on important issues, not shame women who do "anti-feminist" things such as clean the house. It's fine if you don't want to, as long as you don't have chivalrous expectations from men, but it's not fine to shame those who do. If I am going to let my boyfriend walk me to my front door, then I'm going to clean the dishes sometimes. I think that is more equal than demanding women be treated exactly like men, and I think we need to regain sight of the important issues that needs feminists attention more than my activities in the kitchen.
