Confrontation has always driven you: away from your problems, away from your friends, away from yourself. You have become a person who loves helping others, but I ask you this: where is that compassion for yourself?
When things get tough, it's hard to distinguish what exactly may be the root of the issue. Oftentimes, it's easier to clump your emotional disarray into a response like "Well, I'm here," or "I don't know [what the problem is]." That response is where it stops. You find yourself questioning not what the source of these feelings is but rather how you can mitigate the number of questions being thrown your way about how you feel or why you seem so out of it.
You need to take a step back. Reflect. Assess. Process. Proceed.
Nothing good will seem to happen until you take a step back. In some cases, you may need to take a few. You take on new projects, more work, and more responsibilities. Instead of confronting yourself, you are building a shelter around yourself. It's easy to interpret this as moving on - have you thought about the impact?
There could eventually be a time when things go well. Your shelter is secure, warm, and you feel like you can finally breathe after your efforts.
There could also be a time when things do not go well. Your shelter, so trusted, falls. Suddenly, you face the storm that was brewing just outside of its walls. Trapped and scared, you're left to confront the mess and the storm outside, that emotional storm that you have inside of you, or scramble to pick up the pieces.
More often than not, you rebuild. And rebuild. And rebuild.
How many times must you barricade yourself in and not allow yourself to feel before you lose sight of yourself? Each time your shelter falls, the mirror cracks. It doesn't seem so bad at first. A hairline fracture in the glass. Repeat the process enough and there won't be a mirror left at all.
You may not have to pick up the pieces, but rather the shards in order to save it: your self-image. The way you view yourself affects not only the way that others view you but who you are and how you interact with the world and the people around you.
One day, you'll hit an epiphany. You deserve the same care and love that everyone does. You deserve to feel OK.
The storm brewing inside you is terrifying. After spending so long in your makeshift home, it may seem even more daunting.
It's OK to be scared. It's OK to not know what will happen in the eye of the storm. The most important part is that you experience the rain. Dance in it, play in it, and more importantly, accept it.
The rain will cease, and the sun will come. The wave of relief that washes over your skin will leave you wondering why you ever hid from the initial problem in the first place.
The next time you encounter this crossroads of confronting the issue, you may find yourself looking to build that shelter again, and that's alright. You are human, and only you can find the inspiration to address the issue.
When the time comes to bring a little light on yourself, just remember: take a step back. Reflect. Assess. Process. Proceed. Repeat until the problem is solved.
One day, you won't rely on that shelter. I'm rooting for you.
