When I go out or meet someone, the topic of having a boyfriend is always brought up. I’ve never met one of my parents’ friends without hearing the words: "So, do you have a boyfriend?" Or, better yet: "Where is your boyfriend?"

There’s nothing wrong with asking, but I’ve become really comfortable with answering, "I don’t want one right now. I’m just doing me."

I’ve put in minimal effort over the past year to have any sort of relationship, and every less than valiant effort proves that I’m just not in a place in my life where I have the time, energy, or drive to have a significant other. I see these girls with beautiful, loving, full relationships and it’s all so romantic and sweet and I’m a sucker for love, but I won’t allow myself to love someone halfway.

At times, I fantasize about having the love of my life calling me up for plans and loving me wholeheartedly, but I’ve taken three steps back out of that race to find ‘the one’. I’m in no hurry at all, whatsoever.

When you’re in a relationship, you value the other person and consider their feelings and beliefs when you act and speak. You care for them in a deep manner. At such an important time in my life filled with opportunities and alternate directions, I want to make decisions based on my convictions and preferences without any internal conflicts that occur when you’re madly in love and I wouldn’t dare hold someone back from their dreams and path. I know they say, the person who loves you should support you in everything that you do, but I also know that you make sacrifices for love and your partner.

I am 21 and I want to be selfish when it comes to my time, energy, and affection. I want to continue learning how to be an independent, capable woman who is confident and whole without another soul. I want to know myself entirely, so when I do meet the one, he isn’t a necessity for me to feel complete — he is an add-on, a benefit, a choice.

Until then, I will continue to be present in my self-love endeavor by choosing myself day in and day out.