Let me start off by saying that there are numerous theme parks in my area and I've been to them all: Hershey, Dorney, 6 Flags, and then the more remote Disney Land and Universal Studios. So I have had ample opportunity to experience roller coasters in person. And I have never enjoyed them. Not when I was a kid and there was just one small hill, not when I was an older kid and I was trying out the mousetrap, and not when I was a teen and tricked to go on one that was in the dark. Maybe it was the speed, but more than likely it had to do with the height. That's not to say that I'm afraid of heights.
I'm just afraid of falling.
Which is what every roller coaster starts with. A massive fall.
When I was on birthright, a one-time trip to Israel for Jewish kids, one of the many interesting experiences I had was riding a camel. I've ridden horses before a couple times, so I thought it would be similar. But noooooooo. For all the skittishness that horses have around other horses, camels have none of it. Camels like to be up close and personal with each other, no personal space required. Why might this be a problem you ask? Because it wasn’t just me and the person behind me on the camel. No, it was me, and her, and the whole line of camels attached behind us and next to us.
At first it was just the camel behind us who wanted to take the lead, which was tolerable because it couldn’t get very close. The most that happened was I got camel spit on my leg, which was not pleasant. But then, oh then, the line of camels next to us started coming closer, getting all buddy-buddy. And since camels have no personal space, I eventually had to pull my leg up and ride the camel sidesaddle-ish. I couldn’t go all the way because it would likely have lead to me falling off.
Do you know another difference between horses and camels? When horses go up and down hills, it isn't very jarring. When camels do, it's like with each step you’re being thrust out of the barely attached saddle that you’re not even strapped into. So let me tell you that going down hill with one leg slightly up while being thrown out of the saddle with each step is worse than any roller coaster I have ever been on, and I never want to do it again. I was probably the only person shrieking with every step.
And another thing. When you get onto a horse, you just swing yourself up by the stirrup and you own force of will. Not with a camel. They lie on the ground and wait to be boarded. And at first I was like, wow, that's great. It will be so easy. But, once more, I was wrong. They stand and lie in three steps. Front, back, front. Which meant for an infinitely long two seconds I was staring at the ground. All four times that the camel had to get up or lay down. And I know for a fact that the first time the camel stood up I screamed "Oh Shit" right in front of my rabbi. I really wish I had kept my cool, because I was so scared the entire time that I totally forgot to sing Arabian Nights while I was riding a camel. Luckily my boyfriend remembered and did it for me.
This all to say that the worst roller coaster I've ever been on was a camel.
