Dear Seasonal Depression,
I find comfort within you. As the sun sets earlier, I set along with it, because of your encouragement. You give me a sense of solitude, one darker and more private than I can find in my longer days. You brave the cold, so that I can find warmth. When I wake, you whisper lullabies into my ear to ease me to sleep, once again. You are the calmness, you keep my storms far away. You tell me that I will be okay, as long as I listen to you. You wrap me in a maternal blanket every night.
I find safety within you. You never allow anyone to hurt me. You send them away as I remain in my peace. No one can hurt you when you are with me, you whisper to me, and I believe you. You have taught me not to fear the darkness, but rather to engulf myself within it. There is fear in happiness. Fear of the worst. There is no fear if you do not seek such satisfaction. There is more safety in being sad. You warn me of this time and time again. Every night I listen and every night I cry away all of the happiness that is left in me.
I find relief within you. Fatigue overtakes me, I no longer want to exist in these saddened nights. Existence isn't mandatory, you say. You are right, in my eyes. I shut the world out with a simple flutter of my eyelids, guided by your hand. Being alive is overrated. Your whispers replay like a broken record in my subconscious. All tension floods out of me. I do not worry. I do not feel liable. I feel nothing.
Oh, Seasonal Depression. How you have tricked me. Your comfort, your safety, and your relief are made of false pretenses. The comfort I find is not a blissful solitude, rather it is isolation. Your safety is more dangerous than the storms that approach. Your relief is an invitation for eternal escape. With you, I cannot breathe. With you, I cannot survive. With you, I cannot live. Life awaits me, and I cannot be a part of it, with you.
This is my ode to you. Our time is done. I will miss what I thought was real, but I will learn to never trust you again. As summer rolls around and you disappear, may your whispers and your deception disappear with it. May you never return again. This is my farewell. This is my breakup letter to you.