So I didn't finish the semester with a 4.o, nor did I finish with a 3.5, I finished with a 3.459 and I'm so proud of myself. 

It's not what I went into college expecting or wanting my GPA to be. I gave my all and spent countless hours in the library and Olin (the 24 hour science building.) A few nights I didn't even go back to my room after a night of studying to even change before I went to take my tests. And still time after time, I would get my tests back and they were not the grades I was expecting. At the beginning, it was really hard to hear my friends boast about their good grades and their 4.0's. Actually, it was really hard to hear until about 20 minutes ago when I realized it doesn't matter what other people are doing in life, it's my life and it matters what I'm doing.

I had friends from high school who went to different colleges talking about their 4.0's, and I had my friends at college talking about their grades on tests and asking me what I made. I was so embarrassed that I didn't even want to tell them at first. Then I realized that I can't compare myself to others because life just doesn't work like that. Yeah it still stings when my friend in my chem class makes better grades on the tests than me even though we study together, but that's okay. 

When I got my midterm grades, I wasn't surprised, but I wasn't happy. I knew I couldn't dwell on the bad grades, and to be clear, I know my grades weren't bad, they just weren't what I was used to getting. High school had been easy for me, I never had to study and easily got all A's, so when I got to college, it was a HUGE reality check for me. After midterms, I knew had to put in more effort outside of class and figure out what way of studying worked best for me. 

I ended the semester with these grades:

• Gen Chem 1- B
• Gen Chem Lab- A-
• Intro to Cell Bio- B
• Heritage- A-
• Ventures- A

Leaving me with a whopping 3.459 G.P.A. 

Here's why I'm okay with it

I didn't know how to study before college. The first test I took and got the grade back from was in Biology, which had always came easy to me. The test was over basic chemistry and the cell organelles. I didn't study for it and I got an A, so I thought, "Wow! This is easy, I guess I won't ever have to study!" Boy, did I have a big storm coming. 

My first semester was a lot of trial and error. What environment I studied best in, if I studied better by myself or with people, and what time of day I should study were a few things I worked on figuring out. 

I learned I do work better alone if I'm in a non-study environment, doesn't make much sense I know, but I could never stay concentrated in the quiet library by myself. I learned I work good in study groups with people who are on the same level as I am, if they were really good at the subject, I just sat back and watched them work out problems without challenging myself, but if we all didn't know how to do it, we all had to try and tackle the problem to figure it out. Finally, I learned it's better for me to wake up early, like 4, instead of staying up late until..like 4.

It's too bad I learned these study habits worked well for me too late in the semester, but I'm thankful that I now know how to tackle next semester and the rest of my semesters.

I am not in anyway disappointed in myself because I did the best I could do and tried my absolute hardest. I wish I would have had this confidence in myself during the semester because I spent many hours in tears because at that moment, I was disappointed in myself, but now looking back I know there's nothing more that I could have done. It's not my fault I didn't know how to study and didn't know what college had in store for me. The only thing I can do now is put to use the valuable study techniques I learned worked for me next semester and continue to give my all and try my hardest. 

I hope this resonates with anyone else who just finished their first semester of college and can't relate to all the "I just finished my first semester with a 4.0! So proud of myself!" posts. No matter what grades you got, as long as you did all that you could have done, you have no reason to not be proud of yourself. College in itself is a big achievement, and it is also a big life change, don't be too hard on yourself if you didn't get the grades you wanted. This semester was probably the hardest and most stressful time of your life so far, I know it was for me, so cut yourself some slack, and just work harder next time.

*Disclaimer: I apologize for any grammatical errors, but not really. I mostly wrote this for myself. I didn't even know if I was going to end up posting this and it was more a train of thought writing so sorry if its hard for you to follow or doesn't make any sense. ;)*