To the man that I didn't see until it was too late, 

You are an amazing person. I truly believe that the Lord allowed us to meet each other for a reason. We are both so similar in so many ways. I am sorry that I had made you feel on the fence for weeks. I am sorry that during the time, I kept pushing you away to suddenly just pull you back into my life. I am sorry it took me this long to realize that I needed to find myself and who I am. You see, what I've come to realize is that I may not know who I am, what I want, and what to live for but I do know one thing. I don't regret meeting you. You were someone worth it all.

We may have gone through some trials along the way but we were able to come back together. Our friendship is something I value close to my heart. It hurts that I was too focused on someone who was no good for me when you were always right there in front of me. I am sorry it is because of me and my actions that we couldn't be anything more. You see I personally don't know what I have until it's gone. It is sad but it is true. I fear to be alone. I fear to lose the ones I care about the most which is why I am the one who usually cut ties before they can even try. And for that, I am sorry. I am sorry for pushing you away even though you didn't want me to, even though you still wanted to stay.

But you know what, you have made me a better person. You are still there for me. Even after everything I had done to you, you still want the best for me. That is something that truly keeps me in awe of you. The way you speak words of wisdom, how you seem to have a different outlook on life, and how you always know what to say to me to help me calm down. You have helped me through out this entire time. I don't like to feel in debt to people. I don't even like feeling in debt to my own family. But you are the first to make me feel that no matter how long and hard I try, I will never be able to repay you for what you have done to me.

I am learning and I am happy for the first time in a long while. I can actually smile and grin thinking about my past and who I was an what I did. I feel a weight has been lifted off my shoulder and for the very first time I am enjoying the presence of life. I can smile just because I feel like it and that was just not the person I was before. Thank you. I may have decided to go on this journey alone, but it was you who gave me the nudge to take my first step. For that, I will always be internally grateful. I know I am changing. I know I am getting better. It may be hard knowing things wont be the same as before but I wouldn't have wanted it any other way.

You see, my friend and I was talking the other night how she's talking to a guy who never really messages her during the day. She wanted a guy who would text her good morning and goodnight. She wanted someone who would think about her when he wakes up and before he goes to bed. Yet sadly that's when I realized how good I used to have it. It didn't hit me till now. I realized what I had lost. To be able to wake up and see your good morning text and always at night knowing that whenever you sleep, I would see you saying good night sweet dreams the next day.

But you know what, I am not walking backward. I will not allow you to go back and do those things for me. I  will take this life lesson I've experienced with you and I will walk my journey,  I will use it to be more observant in the future and to see how truly blessed I am to have certain individuals in my life. This is something I've also learned through you, to see the good in others what they contribute into my life. Now, whatever and whenever a man crosses paths with me during this journey. I will remember you and your actions. And that i remember to live life for myself and for my happiness, no matter how scary it may make feel. The unknown is a scary place, but you have made me see there is beauty in the unknown and that there is beauty in the paths we make.