To The One I Loved First

Dear My First Love,

The first two words that come to mind are Thank. You.

I loved you when I didn’t know how to love myself. I loved you when I didn’t quite know what love was, but I’m so thankful you showed me the kind of love I was capable of, and what I did and didn’t want moving forward. A first love is special— it’s a new, perfect feeling unlike anything I had before, but more than anything, it was an eye opening experience. We both learned so much about ourselves by loving each other; we learned about deal breakers, tolerance, patience, and even forgiveness.

We were once consumed with our fixation of one another— so raw and real and mature. We fell in love while we were trying to find answers and create a life, and make decisions that would change our lives completely, but it was special that we chose to be by one another’s side through the unknown. God had a plan and knew we needed each other at that moment in time, so thank you for being there.

Looking back, we could have been considered naive or foolish, but I’d do it all again with you. I wouldn’t change a minute because through the ups and the heart wrenching lows, I became the loving, vibrant, and fearless person I am today. I swore the next time, I’d love without reservations and fears, but the saddening thing is along with all the positive uplifting things I learned about myself, I also took some insecurities with me when we sorted our things and went our separate ways.

I stay guarded at times, when I want to pour my heart out. My heart is not nearly as trusting the second time around, but I’ll get there. I struggle with promises because those promises we made under the night skies so many times are now just a fleeting memory with only years in between then and now. I swore I wouldn’t have fear the second time around, but here I am, fearful nobody will love me the way you did, wholeheartedly. I’m fearful to look towards a forever when I once thought you were the end-all, but then I remind myself: you are my biggest blessing.

I learned how to let go when my soul needed me to. I learned how to be strong and rational when my emotions overcame me. I learned something beautiful doesn’t have to last forever to be special. I learned about regret and telling someone how you feel about them is so important because if you don’t, you’ll lose them, as you lost me. I learned love is what life is all about, and over the years of togetherness, you saw my soul completely and loved me entirely. Although we are on different roads now, I cherish all you brought into my world by letting me love you at my own pace. You will forever be in my heart.

Love,

The Girl Who Wasn't The One