“She was fourteen years old and her mother had been selling her on the internet for drugs since she was nine.” I listened as Chris Herren told us the horrifying stories he had heard from schools around the country as tears streamed down my face. Nothing was more heartbreaking, however than his own story. Herren was the up and coming basketball star of the 1990’s. The hero of his town, the Gatorade Player of the year, a McDonald's All-American, and one of the top ten college recruits in the country. He had it all, at least that’s what you would think. As a high school star, Herren had no idea the battle with drugs he was about to face.

One of the most stressed points of the speech Herren made was that he, too, was once a young athlete sitting in our seats and listening to a man ramble on about the risks of drugs but he admittedly shrugged the message off. He was confident that he would never be that guy but, unfortunately, he was wrong. During Herren’s freshman year at Boston College, he became that guy. One small line of cocaine he was assured would not hurt him became the lifestyle he would live for the rest of his basketball career.

Herren was kicked out of Boston and lost his scholarship, a devastation he would not recover from for six months. After a long wait, he was picked up by Fresno State for a second chance where he still struggled with drugs. This time, however, he was not caught. He was instead drafted by the NBA to play for the Denver Nuggets. His dream had come true but his battle with substance abuse was only beginning. In between being a member of the Nuggets and being traded to play for his hometown team the Boston Celtics, Herren tried a small pill of oxycodone that, once again, couldn’t hurt him. This was once again wrong. His first game playing for the team of his dreams he warmed up for a total of just three minutes after rushing to the parking lot to receive some oxy from his dealer. He played the biggest game of his career high.

Herren was time and time again given another chance. He received a deal with a European team that supplied his family with a home, a car, and a hospital for his wife to give birth in. As Herren moved with his family, oxy followed. Upon arrival, he quickly ran out of his drugs and had to find a dealer in Italy. Unable to speak Italian and ask for pills, Herren pointed to his veins and began his battle with heroin. Herren paid significantly more than he was making to get out of the European deal after realizing his heroin dealer could not follow him to training camp.

“It’s not about the worst day, it’s about the first day.” The first day of curiosity and the first day of trying something new, this is the day that haunts you. It was that first line in a college dorm room that led Herren to become a cocaine addict and get kicked out of school. It was that first pill Herren took with his friend that led him to almost miss the start of his first game as a Celtic. It was that first shot of heroin Herren took in Europe that led him to lose a huge foreign contract, overdose and almost die four times (actually die for 30 seconds one of them), and eventually get kicked out of the life of his family. The first day is the one that leads to the next and the one that follows you in addiction.

As Herren spoke to us athletes of Montclair State University on February 2, 2017, he continuously said, “I bet you guys have plans tonight and that’s what you’re thinking about.” He was right. I had plans to go to a party that night and I still went, even after being moved to tears by hearing what drugs did to this man’s life. Herren drank to forget and I drank to have fun but, that night, I did not have fun. As I sat on the couch sipping coconut flavored whatever from a refilled water bottle, I wasn’t enjoying myself. All I was doing was hurting my body.

I am currently out of soccer with an ACL tear and my goal is to come back stronger than I was before but with every sip I took from that water bottle, I was only delaying my recovery and setting myself back. I was in my own way. Not only was I hurting myself, I was hurting others, too. My parents did everything for my soccer career to reach this point and it is not fair to them to not take care of my body. Towards the end of Herren’s message, he mentioned being a good role model for your younger siblings. That night I realized as my fifteen-year-old brother (a very experimental age) watched Snapchats of me singing and falling down, I was not being a person I want him to look up to. Processing everything Chris Herren had to say, I understood that what I was doing was pointless. What was the benefit of going out that night, having a good time, taking some cute pictures? Nothing worth trying to defend myself with.

Herren has now been clean for eight and a half years. After being in and out of rehab and doing everything possible to please his wife, she and his three children were able to forgive him. His life has turned in the opposite direction and he uses his past in an influential way. Herren says he tells students around the country of his story in hopes of it sticking with just one person, of making an impact on just one kid in each crowd. Herren’s story has impacted me in numerous ways and I want him to know that his message stays with me because I am ready to be the player I want to be for myself, my parents, my teammates, and my coach, who has seen too many good people fall victim to substance abuse. Most importantly, I am ready to be the role model my brother deserves.