I walk into a crowded apartment, smile on my face, ready to see the people I call my friends. As soon as I enter, everyone quickly glances at me and goes back to what they were doing.

If half the room glances, I’m lucky. My friend follows behind me and the room suddenly lights up with joy and excitement; they’ve arrived and the night is about to get so much better. My stomach sinks, my anxiety takes root and I slink into a corner, away from the groups of people.

I don’t feel loved or wanted. I should just go home. Why do I bother to go out when nobody cares to see me?

I know I’m not the most sociable creature. I’m an introvert and socially anxious; that has a big hold over my socialization skills in groups of people. However, this doesn’t mean I don’t want to talk to people. Like most others, I like attention. Everyone loves having a spotlight and feeling loved by others.

We crave attention and affirmation (though we might not all want to give either). As we can all agree, it sucks to not feel admiration, but especially so when those around us are receiving it. It’s even worse when you struggle with anxiety, which can mean some people desire more affirmation and attention than others. It becomes very easy to feel less desired than others.

It’s exciting to spend time with people you like or don’t often see. Parties and kickbacks are usually great places to see all of these friends. The environment is positive, encourages socializing and, between the alcohol and people, everyone is happy.

We all get excited to unwind with our pals at the end of the week. Sometimes you’ll even get the opportunity to make new friends and who doesn’t want that?

With all groups though, there are people who get along better than others. There are some people who are the actual embodiment of the Ke$ha lyric, “the party don’t start ‘til I walk in.” These people are always expected to show up places and live'n up the whole scene.

Not being one of those people can be disappointing. It’s hard to know that a party will invite, ask and expect some other people over yourself. It’s like being somebody’s +1. In the simplest way, it feels like some people’s invites are prioritized over others.

I know I can’t be the life of the party, but I want to feel like my appearance is just as anticipated as anyone else’s. Most times, it feels as though my attendance won’t affect the party anyway. It won’t become more exciting or be brought down. I’m just another person passing through.

When nobody seems to make attempts to chat and no one screams your name when you enter the room, you don’t feel as welcomed. So, why am I here?

I show up to see my friends, get out and socialize in some way other than binge-watching with the besties. I want to go somewhere I don’t often go and see people I don’t get to spend much time with. I’m not calling out people for being bad friends. I don’t want people to feel guilty for being considered “the partier” or hosting get-togethers. What I’d like people to take away, if anything, is that no one friend should be held higher than another for their social skills.

No one should have to walk into a room and feel as though nobody even noticed the door open. Everyone should feel welcome when they’re with friends. Everyone should be excited to see each other, and if some people are unfamiliar with each other, help bring them together.

Friends are always there for each other and should always feel good when they’re together. Parties, big or small, are a time to come together and be merry. So, let’s make sure every single one is exactly that.