Throwback to freshman year of college in the fall of 2011. I was anxiously awaiting college to be the "home away from home" and a new adventure. On the other hand, I was feeling this great resistance to moving and to change. Matter of fact, I think I didn't even have anything packed the night before I left even though I felt like I was preparing all summer.

I was resistant to moving, to making new friends, to my first college class. Everything was exciting and yet terrifying. Like life was pulling me along. It felt like I was a cat after leaping onto the kitchen table. Once midair, he quickly realizes he has no traction as he falls and crashes back onto the floor. The cat has an almost, "what have I done" look. Gravity took the cat, so life took me at the start of that new phase. So how all new phases of life go. But thankfully, on one hand, that's just the beginning.

We go through pitfalls of growth, but that's not the end of it. We go through changes all the time, but we maybe only go through a handful of major life transitions. Such as graduation, moving, marriage and that sort of thing. We only "fall" off the table a few times here and there. Well if that's the case -- that we only have a few of these big things to go through -- then what does the rest of life consist of? Waiting. It consists of waiting in the in between of the next goal, the next milestone and the next accomplishment. Waiting for our life to improve, to get better. And it doesn't just happen when we move away from college. This waiting game can happen like when I turned 7-years-old and I exclaimed, "I can't wait until I'm eight!" We are usually almost always in a season of waiting. So what do we do with it?

Do you remember that Britney Spears song, "I'm Not a Girl, Not Yet a Woman?" The song title is pretty obvious. It's about growing up from being a little girl, to eventually growing up to be a woman. But Britney is in one of those in-between moments. Hence the "not yet a" part. "All I need is time, a moment that is mine, while I'm in between." Fun fact: I sang this song for my fourth-grade talent show. I had no idea what any of this meant at the ripe age of 10, but I would soon find out time and time again. Right now, I'm in a season of waiting.

After five years as a college student, this fall I won't be headed back to regular classes at my university. I will be here, living at home and student teaching. I went to training for five weeks to be a missionary with FOCUS (the Fellowship of Catholic University Students) this summer, but I won't quite be a full missionary, either, until I graduate in December. So, I'm not really a student, but not really a graduate, but not really a student missionary, but not really not a missionary.

What? I feel like I'm the epitome of both overwhelmed and in between, right now. Literally, all I can do is do the work in front of me, but mostly I'm just going to be waiting. Waiting for all of this to seem simple. For the hard parts to be easy, the boring parts to be exciting, and the exciting parts to last.

Sometimes, I cry out in frustration with my feet firmly planted underneath me, Is this all that life is for me, God? Why can't you speed this part up? Or, other times, I just want only one thing in front of me so my typical complaint is, If I could just focus on one thing, either teaching or missionary, or student or missionary, or actor or teacher or whatever I could do it well. But I can't do everything to the best of my ability when all of it requires the best of my ability. Does that sound familiar at all?

In the day to day moments of life it seems like too much, but in the waiting, in the in between it seems like too little. That, my friends, is also called perfectionism. We have so much in front of us, or so much ahead of us and yet we can't move because we want it to be good. Or, sometimes, we just don't want it to end. I'm laughing just typing this. What happened to being content?

We're so unsatisfied, aren't we? I know that usually sounds typical of a Christian blog but, honestly, take a pause to take stock of how you feel today. Are you anxious and worried about your tasks in front of you? Or are you perpetually bored with life waiting for the next opportunity or even to come up? Or do you feel content?

Now, consider this thought. You were hungry when you woke up, so you probably ate. You were tired so you probably drank a cup of coffee. Then a few hours roll by and you're hungry and tired again. So you eat lunch, and maybe have another cup of joe. These are just simple human needs that happen every day that we naturally have to satiate. But this doesn't even cut it close to all our wants, fears, desires, hopes and dreams that we have over the span of our everyday life.

We're always looking for satisfaction, whether or not we realize it. When it comes down to it, we're looking for heaven on earth. But that's the problem with it all. We are not made for this earth alone. We are made for heaven. So while the accomplishments of graduation, jobs, marriages, kids and successes are not innately bad by themselves, they are not everything. They are not solely what we are made for.

We can never be truly satisfied without our eyes fixed on what our hearts were made for. And that my brothers and sisters, is unity with God. St. Augustine said, "Our hearts are restless, until they can find rest in you." We are constantly going to pursue something else for love and satisfaction until we find that love and satisfaction in Christ because nothing else will. Is it easy? Absolutely not. Because like it or not, we're human and we'll forget the sweet joy and peace that the thought of heaven brings. But keep persevering. Every moment has its place for you even if the dullest and most seemingly insignificant times. Breathe.

So while we're waiting out life, seek first the kingdom of God. Seek that eternal satisfaction because nothing else will fully quench.Where is your heart today? And where do you want it to be while you wait for heaven?

“But seek first the kingdom [of God] and his righteousness, and all these things will be given you besides. Do not worry about tomorrow; tomorrow will take care of itself. Sufficient for a day is its own evil." Matthew 6:33-34