The scene is last Tuesday. I’m talking to a friend who is much cooler than I am:
HIM: “I honestly hate pumpkin spice lattes.”
ME: “Oh yeah, totally, me too.”
HIM: “Painfully basic.”
As I said goodbye, I carefully covered the scrawled black writing at the top of my white Starbucks cup wth my fingers.
Because underneath my clammy hand, the writing would reveal that I ordered a non-fat pumpkin spice latte, and my was name spelled right because it was my third latte that week. It would also reveal that I have succumbed to a life of being basic.
Somewhere, someplace, a girl wearing Ugg Boots, a black North Face jacket and Juicy Couture perfume is smiling knowing that another (me) has crossed into the basic realm. The realm of season-themed lattes, Pilates workouts, and 50 percent sale Tobi items.
And don’t think that you boys can’t be basic too. Your realm just consists of David Beckham haircuts, duck boots, Grizzly Wintergreen dip, and ironically calling your significant other “bae.” You’re just as guilty as the rest of us ladies.
Once you’ve entered the realm, it’s hard to get out because as much as you hipsters who would rather die than listen to Top 40 radio hate it, some basic things are pretty great.
“They say you can’t choose who you love,” I admitted to myself as I ordered the dreaded but delicious coffee.
Believe me, I don’t want to like these things. I want to stay inside and listen to vinyl while sipping on an herbal tea that I made from the herbs from my downtown apartment, only to throw the herbs back into my compost later because, in this fantasy scenario, I’m suddenly eco-friendly.
But no. While scanning the radio, I stumble upon Justin Bieber’s “What Do You Mean?” and I know all of the words. And I turn the volume up all the way on my 1995 stereo and sing along to the questionable lyrics.
I can feel myself becoming more basic and don’t know if there’s a way to stop it. I have owned a Lily Pulitzer planner. I have tagged @foodintheair in my low-quality Instagram of a piece of pizza. I own an embarrassing amount of leggings. And yes, I once looked up how to get crazy fonts for my Instagram captions. You know the ones. The ones with the upside down E’s and crazy capitals that help perfectly display your caption, “Hot dogs or legs?” Because that caption requires a little more creativity than just normal fonts.
Being completely honest, I think the term basic is a bit of a cop-out. These young men and women deserve a better descriptor than a reading on the pH scale.
They’re the crowd that hears about a band after they’re cool. The kind that eats quinoa even though it tastes like absolutely nothing because they pinned the recipe. These folks are the kind of people who take Buzzfeed quizzes to know “what their favorite color means about their love life.”
They don’t deserve to be clumped together. They are the mainstream individuals, which isn’t a bad thing. If anything, they’ll get places before the rest of us hipsters do -- see what I did there? Mainstream meaning an actual faster stream, like in a river. Nevermind.
So you, the plaid-wearing Mac DeMarco look-a-like, go eat an acai bowl because you saw it on a girl’s Instagram with the hashtag “#cleaneating.” Chances are, my friend, you’re going to enjoy it, and chances are you’ll feel cleaner after eating it.
I think deep down, we’re all pretty basic. Some of us just aren’t as ashamed of it as others. Mainstream things are mainstream for a reason: they’re pretty alright.
I’m basic and proud. Say it with me people, “Justin Bieber’s song has questionable lyrics!”
