In the very socially conservative area that I live in, one of the biggest milestones in any young woman's life is her wedding and her first pregnancy. Many of the girls I graduated high school with have already reached these milestones, some twice. Every time I make my way back to Southern Illinois, I'm bombarded with, "When are you getting married?" "You're not having kids yet?" "What are you waiting for?" Well, old lady at the diner that I've never met, here's what I'm waiting for:
1) I want to finish my education.
Is it so selfish to want to learn more and experience more before I go and get hitched and knocked up? I don't think so. See, if I'm a seasoned vet in the ways of the world before I procreate, my children will have the advantage of having a wise, all-knowing parent who gives good advice and tells even better stories. Also, I've already accepted debt for this education, and I'm not going to give it up now. Those student loans need to be justified.
2) I am comfortable in my long-term relationship.
My boyfriend and I have been together 5 years, which probably raises the most question about why we aren't married yet. Well, if you really love someone, does it matter if you're married? Getting married doesn't make any of your problems disappear, and it sure costs money if you're gonna do it the traditional, white-dress-church-fancy-dinner way. Of course, it will be nice to get married one day, but it's not anything we feel we need to jump into, especially when we can't afford a wedding, which brings up my next point...
3) I am broke.
I cannot afford to pay for a new laptop right now, let alone a wedding dress and food for 50 guests. I can barely afford to support myself, let alone another human on minimum wage. I am also living in a dorm, which might not be the best place to raise said tiny human. I would like to wait until I can actually afford these things before I actually consider doing them.
4) I want my children to live a comfortable life.
I don't want my children to have to worry about whether there is food in the fridge or heat in their home. I want them to have the necessities, but I also want them to have more. I want my kids to have ridiculous amounts of Play-Doh or one of those stupid battery-powered Barbie Jeeps. I know it seems materialistic, but I just think it's important to give your kids the best you can, and I definitely can't do that right now.
5) I just want to spend time on myself.
I want to travel a little. I want to spend time with my significant other. I want to spend time with my friends, and find a good job, and be good at that job for a while. I want to do things I want to do without kids. Is that wrong? No, it isn't (and if you think it is, shut up). It's important to do those things before you settle down so you don't regret it later. You don't want your children thinking you're acting their age and resent you for leaving them alone for a week to follow One Direction on tour.
There's a lot to think about when you have kids and get married. There's a lot of things that need to be weighed and discussed and, really, sacrificed. I mean, I just got past the point of having to ask to use the restroom, and you're expecting me to make life-altering decisions like that? Personally, I'm not ready to give up my dream of working in the music industry for a white picket fence just yet.
