My name is Mady Ellinger, and I honestly have no idea what I am doing. Like ever. I am terrible at planning, thinking about my future and making any type of decision. All those things scare me. Why? I have no freaking idea. I would much rather sit and watch Pixar movies all day than make goals and plans for myself. I do have goals don't get me wrong, but to be honest I have not actually sat and written them down and really thought them over.
Planning ahead for myself is beyond stressful. I'm not the type of person who wakes up in the morning and thinks about everything I need to do that day, but instead I wake up and say, "Today is a new day! We made it!!!" It's not because I don't care about my future, but being an 18 year old, I'm just not ready to face the fact that I am actually an adult who has to start doing adult things soon. A lot of my friends know how they want their dream wedding, what they want to do right after they graduate and stuff like that. Yet, I'm just chillin' over here hoping I get to see a dog today.
I am by no means bashing people who can plan everything; one of my dear friends is a planner. Although it does drive me up a wall about 90% of the time, I adore the fact that he is able to have goals and actually follow through with them. (Even though he plans every second of every day, and I have to tell him to stop looking at his watch. Smh.) I love people who know what they want in life, and I love people who have these goals for themselves. But for me I only kinda know what I want, and I only kinda have a plan for myself.
For so long I felt so bad not knowing what I wanted in life or what I wanted my goals to be, but then I got to college and realized that about 70% of students also have no idea what the hell they want either! Crazy! I realized that it's not a bad thing to not have your whole life planned out. People always joke around with me about how I have a "hippie soul" and that I always just go with the flow, and for a while I never really knew how I felt about those being my labels. But then I realized that hippies are really freaking cool and that going with the flow is actually pretty lit.
I live in the moment; I don't think too far in advance which can be bad and good. I'm not a planner, and I'm okay with that. We don't always need to know what we want in life, sometimes you just need to see what life throws your way. Ya feel?
