There's a trend that I've been noticing lately- something that other writers have been saying for tells the strength of the relationship- and that is that everyone seems to think that being "one of the guys" is the only way you and your boyfriend are going to last.
Well, I have a response to that: I'm not "one of the guys" and I don't want to be.
There's a few reasons for this. The first being that the common interests needed to be friends with someone just aren't there for his guy friends and myself- and to be honest, that's okay. I'm not one for parties on the weekends or being around yelling. That's okay. I don't think it's bad that they like to do those things, I just can't relate. I know nothing about cars- which is something that I have to constantly remind my boyfriend when he goes on rants- and I never liked video games. It's okay that they like that stuff, and it's also okay that I don't.
Don't get me wrong, I have guy friends, but they share my interests, my passions and most of them are creative or in some kind of "arts" major. I've found that I don't have a ton in common with other students who aren't involved in the arts. That's not saying I'm better than them, it's saying that I just don't feel a click.
You don't have to be friends with your boyfriend's friends to have a good relationship, and he doesn't have to be friends with yours. Why are we holding women to this standard anyway? The first thing they said when we started dating was "what if she doesn't fit with the group?"- the first thing my friends said was "I'm happy for you".
Plus, there are things that my boyfriend and I do together that his friends aren't into: we're both into music, we both love to read, and we both really like trying new places to eat. We both like to write, be creative and get lost on the weekends.
So, no, I don't have to go out for "pizza and wings" with the guys- no one asked him to go get pizza and wings with the girls. If you don't have common interests with your boyfriend's friends, just be civil.
It's a weird standard to have anyway. It "others" the women who don't like these things, and it "others" women who do. Stop pitting women against each other to try and say that one side is the epitome of the "perfect girlfriend", because, honestly, she doesn't exist.
I don't perform femininity in other ways, and it's time to stop pretending that performing femininity in one way vs. another (ie. interests vs appearance) is important. Calling a woman "one of the guys" means that women can't have interests, or that one kind of woman is less or more woman than another. We're just women- and it's not your place to judge what does or does not make us women.
So please, before you demand that your friend's girlfriend be "one of the guys" or for the women, before you hold yourself to the standard of "one of the guys", please realize that women are women, and it's not cool to define them.
Only I define me, not my boyfriend, and especially not his friends.
