Growing up with a very traditional Mexican family, I had so many expectations set for me.
As a little girl, my mother taught me how to clean the "right" way. She would tell me that when I got married, my job would be to clean the house everyday. So everyday, as soon as we would wake up, we cleaned the house from top to bottom. But as I got older, I didn't understand why we had to clean a house everyday when it was already clean.
When it was time to start cooking, my mom wanted me to learn every recipe. But I'll admit, cooking was just not my thing. But again, when I get married, I'm suppose to cook for my husband everyday. I tried my best, but my food just wasn't "Mexican" enough like my mother's.
My skin was also never "Mexican" enough. I was pale, and to this day I am. My brother's skin was dark enough and so were my cousin's skin. But I was the "Guerra" of the family.
My Spanish sucked. Of course Spanish was my first language, but as I started speaking English, that soon became my language of choice. I communicated better with my brother and cousins. My parent's would get upset because they couldn't understand what we were saying. "En Español, por favor" ("In Spanish, please"), was what my parents would tell us overtime we spoke English.
When it came to me dating, I couldn't help but to fall in love with someone outside of my race. My boyfriend is African American and when my parents found out, they questioned why I couldn't get a "Mexican" boyfriend. They started questioning how the wedding would be, how my children would look, and how they would be able to communicate
But...
Everything is okay.
When I came to college, I started learning more about my culture than I ever had. I attend an HBCU and I am one of the few Mexican-Americans on campus.
I have my Mexican flag on my wall to always remind myself where I came from.
Every chance I get, I clean my room. Every time someone would come to my room, they tell me how clean my side is. Thanks, Mom.
Being away from home, I miss Mexican food so much! But what I do is buy Mexican candy, desserts, drinks, and I sometimes bring back Mexican food whenever I am able to go home. My friends always ask what everything is and I explain what it's called, what it is, and what it tastes like.
I have learned to love what my "Mexican" looks like. My skin is perfect, my long, thick, dark hair always received compliments (until I cut it), and my "chola" makeup is just right.
When I started helping my classmates out with Spanish class, I surprised myself with how perfect my Spanish was and I learned more about my language. I was always listening to Mexican music; I always had Mexican music playing while my friends were riding in the car. They would tell me that they never knew what was being said but they enjoyed the music.
My parents love my boyfriend and don't even care what race he is. They already started planning the wedding, although it'll be a while.
I may not be "Mexican" enough, but I am learning more about my culture everyday. I am first generation Mexican-American. I am a Xicana.
