It’s crazy how you can change completely within a year. By change, I don’t mean letting my hair grow out longer, or losing a little bit of weight. By change, I mean my personality, the way I see life sometimes and the new struggles I now face on a day-to-day basis.
This time last year, I was getting ready to start my first year of college. I was so excited and so ready to take on whatever the year had in store for me. This time last year I was so happy, so full of life and so outgoing. Now I’m not saying that I’m not happy anymore by any means, because I have some really great days. I have some days where they’re so good that I really wish that they wouldn’t end. These are the days I cherish the most and these are the days I strive to have more often.
About 7 months ago, I was starting my second semester of school but noticed myself having a lot of signs of anxiety. I felt it harder to go out with friends and enjoy myself because I was so worried and caught up in thoughts that didn’t need to be present at the time. I found myself getting nauseous thinking about the tasks of the day because it required me to be on a set schedule of times and events. I found myself nauseous a few times a week, which then spiraled into basically every single day because my thoughts would consume my life.
Along with this anxiety and the fear that something was bound to go wrong or I was about to be late or screw something up at any point, came my depression. I have to first say that I was lucky I noticed the signs so early on and was able to get help because for anyone who has or had depression, knows that without treatment and without realizing what’s really going on it will just get worse. My depression has caused me to miss things that I wouldn’t have normally missed. It’s caused me to see the world in a negative way some days without seeing all the good things there really were in store for me.
My depression has been something I’ve had to come to terms with and it’s something I’ve had to accept is okay. No, being depressed is never a light topic and I would never wish it upon my worst enemy, but it happens. No one knows that this is going to be an obstacle in their life, but when they realize that it can be treated then everything seems to make a little bit more sense.
Even after about two-and-a-half months of meeting with my psychologist, I still have some bad days. I still struggle with finding happiness in the world every single day and sometimes getting myself out of bed in the mornings makes me want to vomit. But I can truly say that without my therapy and all the coping mechanisms I’ve learned, I wouldn’t be able to say today that I’m okay. Every day is a new day and if anyone is going through what I have, that’s something that needs to be a constant reminder. Every day is a new day and just because the day sucked yesterday doesn’t mean you can’t conquer something today.
