I am not five anymore,

but your actions still hurt me.

They are engraved in my skin like a scar.

I am not five anymore,

but I will always remember sitting by the window,

and waiting for your car to pull up in the driveway.

I will always remember,

sitting in my best clothes ready for my day of fun with my "Father".

I am not five anymore,

but I will always remember the disappointment

of never seeing you walk to the front door.

There were so many days that I waited for you,

and the promises you filled my head with.

I am not five anymore,

so eventually I realized that you were not one to keep promises.

My faith in you as a "father" no longer sits on a throne in my heart.

I am not five anymore,

but the separation anxiety still takes over my life.

Whenever I go back to college,

and leave my real parents, the parents who love me behind,

my separation anxiety almost pulls me back every time.

I am not five anymore,

yet I continue to give you chance after chance,

because the five year old in me lingering in the back of my mind

believes that there is still hope that you could change.

I am not five anymore,

but to you I still am.

I am the one who will always give you a second chance,

the girl who will always wait for you

at the window in her best clothes.

I am not five anymore,

so please don't continue to ask for forgiveness

because the five year old in me can't take it any longer.