Today’s society, in my opinion, focuses heavily on relationships. If you aren’t in one, then your lonely or shrugged off. It’s like an automatic status changer: You date someone, and then BAM, instant fame or happiness.

No. No. NO. This is nonsense. I’ll tell it straight. This is complete and utter crap.

Of course having a boyfriend, girlfriend, partner, or whatever you like to call it, makes life really nice because you can have someone who will remain by your side. The amount of appreciation and respect that goes into a relationship is so important, and it creates such a closer bond between the couple. The feeling is priceless, but you cannot seek this out wherever you go.

Look, being single has it’s ups and downs, but if you want to pursue a relationship, you cannot expect it from anyone you see. Yes, I said anyone. You may find someone slightly attractive and think, “Okay, I like them. Now it’s time to get them to like me” or “We would be so cute together. Yes, it would totally work between us.” Then you would keep them in the back of your mind and think about the possibility of dating them. The problem is that you just saw them in class, had a brief conversation about how good Black Panther was, or waved to them and they happened to wave back.

A lot, if not all, of us fall into this “lovesick vortex”. We have that appetite for affection, and it eats away at us until we finally gain some sort of attention from a person. A slight compliment of a t-shirt may translate to: “They want me. Oh yeah, it’s so obvious.” A quick hello or nod of acknowledgement may say: “That was really nice of them. I wonder what they think of me. Do they like my outfit? Do they like me? That nod wasn’t just the ‘sup’ nod. It was the ‘you’re cute’ nod.”

We go into many situations looking for this attention as something to latch onto because we feel better when someone gives us their focus or a compliment for a moment. We feel good. Our confidence increases. We begin to like ourselves a bit more than usual. This is understandable, but if you constantly think about relationships with everyone you meet, then you’ll be a nervous wreck.

You cannot always think, “If I do this, then they’ll like me even more.” You cannot always think that if you are nice to someone no matter what or do them small favors that you’ll win their affection. Don’t change yourself because you want to date someone. Don’t think of every compliment as a flirtatious move. People are kind, and they express kindness by stating what is appealing to them. Just because your shirt is alluring doesn’t mean that you are going to be their next boyfriend or girlfriend.

Keep in mind that sometimes compliments do show that someone is interested in you, but it also depends on body language and what they follow the compliment with. Just don’t get hung up on one sentence. It might mean nothing, and that is alright. There is no reason to constantly imagine a future relationship with someone because they said how good you are at math. Be you, and don’t fuss over people or your actions in order to gain more favorability. The time will come for a relationship, and when it does, it will be wonderful. Let time pass, focus on you, prioritize the things that should be prioritized, and be kind to others. Make friends first. Friendships are more vital to have than a partner. Take that first step in meeting people. Instead of looking at them as “romance,” look at them as “friendship.”