My dad has told me plenty of times, “We’re different from other people. Our blood is 50 percent olive oil and 50 percent red sauce.” And even though we both laugh about it, I've started to think that maybe it’s true. In order for me to maintain a certain weight and image, I have to be very careful of what I eat. I've dieted, I've carb-cycled, I’ve calorie counted, I’ve counted my micros and my macros - the list goes on. This isn't to tell a story of trial and error, or to cause any feelings of empathy.
From as far back as I can remember, I have always been bigger than other girls my age. I am taller and have somewhat of a larger build. By no means do I think I am fat or that there is a problem with the way I look, but there is obviously a reason why I am writing this, and here it is.
There are plenty of people I know that can eat an entire pizza pie and not gain a single pound. I know people who haven't ran a mile since we were required to in elementary school. A lot of my friends don't even have gym memberships, have never dieted and have never had a reason to. And here is my point: do it up! Eat that entire pizza. Don't go to the gym. Seriously. Because those are things I can't even imagine myself doing.
When someone suggests “let's get ice cream,” or “let's get McDonald’s,” I often opt out. This is not because I am starving myself. This is not because I think I am fat. This is not because I am afraid to let myself indulge. It is because I work way too hard dieting and exercising to throw any progress away with a few slices of pizza, a large fry or a McFlurry. I'll get over it.
As a recently, self-proclaimed feminist after taking the class "Perspectives on Women" this past spring semester, I am well aware of fat-shaming and the body positive movement. It truly hurts when people tell me “I wish you were more body positive” or “I wish you were happier with yourself.” Even when people say, “You are beautiful the way you are now,” it leaves me with a bad taste in my mouth.
I am more than satisfied with my healthy eating habits, my image and my life overall. I am dissatisfied that I am asked by girls with supermodel bodies, “Why is it so hard for you to love yourself with what you look like now?” I have always been envious of anyone who doesn't have to work extremely hard to just be “content” with what they look like. To be clear: I love myself. But I also love the work I put into improving myself and this is almost always overlooked. But you fall in love with the process somewhere along the road and you never lose that love.
My dad has been running and riding his bike since he was 17 and now, 40 years later, he still gets up in the morning to exercise before he goes to work. He is one of the healthiest people I know. And he doesn’t do it because he is fat or unhappy with himself. He does it because it’s second nature. I believe that there are a lot of people out there like me and my dad and that we need a voice, too.
As much as I do believe in loving yourself and seeing yourself in a positive way, I see no problem in being motivated and improving yourself. I have friends, family and a boyfriend that could care less about my weight. They don't wake up every morning and think about my insecurities or the number I see when I step on the scale because those things hold little importance to the person that I am.
So here it is: a simple reminder there is a difference between believing in body positivity and shoving it down someone else’s throat. There is a difference between starving yourself, and eating healthy and nutritious foods. And most importantly, there doesn't have to be a difference between loving yourself the way you are and loving the work you put into improving yourself. Trust the process and be who you want to be.
