Rape culture is in our midst. As sad as it is to admit, hundreds of victims around college campuses are being affected, and even off campus, rape is a huge topic of discussion. The most common and assumed is the generic story, “I was drunk at a party, a boy took me to his place and I was too passed out to say no.” As much as this story is told, and should get an enormous amount of attention, what if the victim was completely sober? What if you are friends with the person who is trying to persuade you to have sex or any other sexual action? What if you make a million excuses up, but they justify these excuses and disvalue what you have to say?
More and more people become victims of what I like to call, “the persuasive rape.” The persuasive rape is when a person tries to justify the victims' “no's.” Common signs of this include the victim claiming she is on her period, hasn’t showered or is not protected with the proper birth control. A lot of the time, people then back off and accept that the other is not feeling it. But, many other times, the persuader says, “Oh it’s fine, I don’t mind/I have it covered.”
It is not fine.
It is not fine to be taken advantage of. It is not fine to feel like you are being forced to participate in an action that you did not have the willpower to say "no" to. It is not fine to feel an immense amount of guilt for something that you didn’t even want to occur in the first place, but didn’t know how to stop.
OK, so what? Why can’t the victim simply just come back and say, “no?” Well, because a lot of the time, these victims are too insecure and care more about the eye roll the persuader is going to give them, the questions they will be asked when they do say no and the more excuses the persuader will make for them. The victim gets worried if they were close friends with the persuader, is saying no and pissing the persuader off worth losing a friendship? And the most upsetting part of it all, is many times these victims think to themselves, “if I just lay here and get it over with, I can avoid a lot of trouble.”
My message to the victims of the persuasive rape: I promise you the guilt and emotional toll you will feel afterwards is not worth, “just getting it over with.” Never have anyone ever justify your actions for you, because it is something that only you know in your heart is right.
My message to the persuaders of persuasive rape: wake up and realize if your partner is not feeling it, stop. If they are trying to hint that they are not comfortable, do not keep on going.
And my message to everyone: you are a person. Find someone who treats you like one and not a sex object.
