It's normal, isn't it? Or is it just me? The absence of a father is a burden that I can never seem to shake off of my shoulders. It cuts like a knife. How could a man not want anything to do with his child? Does he even deserve to be termed a man? Perhaps not, but that did not stop my mom from being the man that my "dad" never was.
It took my mother 18 years to tell me the real story of why he left. After hearing the story, I now understand why it took her so long. She wanted to protect me. She wanted to never speak badly about him so I would never perceive him as a terrible person. As much as she tried to steer me away, I could not. I could not grasp the reason why he did not want to be a part of my life. I could not grasp the reason why I kept searching for him. For awhile, I believed that if I searched long enough, he would eventually make an appearance, but each time, it was nothing. No response to my letters. No answers to my phone calls. The thought of my father wanting no relation with drove me insane, but finally, I came to the conclusion that what I was in search for was never meant to be found.
I questioned my self-worth for the longest time. I questioned whether or not I was going to be good enough. I spent a good amount of my life questioning aspects of myself because of a man that showed absolutely no interest in me. What kind of system is that? I wasted so much time trying to search for a person that was not meant to be in my life. I finally came to the realization that if God's plan included my "dad," then he would have already been a part of my life.
I decided that I was not going to allow a person, who had no emphasis on my life, affect how I go about my own life. I graduated high school. I received a tennis scholarship to attend college. My work ethic was superior. Why? Because of my mother. My mother worked her tail off so my life could be great. She succeeded greatly. Everything I have become I owe to my mother. I owe my achievements to the real "dad" in my life. I truly did make it without a father only because of my mother. I will no longer question my self-worth or my value because my mother worked so hard so that I would never have to question qualities about myself.
Here I am, almost 21 years old, graduating college soon and following God's plan. I beat the statistics and so can you. For all of the guys and gals out there who grew up without a father, just trust that it will be okay. Trust that you can succeed without him. God's plan is so much greater than yours. Do not allow people, who want nothing to do with you, affect how you live your life. Do not question your self-worth because you are worth everything. Do not question if you are good enough because you are more than good enough.
I will no longer allow someone, who wants nothing to do with me, affect how I live my life. So cheers to the single moms because hey "dad," I did it without you.
