Last week, Nick Jonas, of Jonas Brothers fame, released a new album, and immediately I opened it on Spotify and lost my soul to Nick Jonas. Yeah, that's right. That awkward, little Jonas brother got real hot, and he left behind the "Year 3000" for sexy songs that get everyone bumping and grinding and crying and wishing they were Miss Universe. So, there are 12 songs on "Last Year Was Complicated," and I listened to every single one of them (most of them multiple times) so that I could give you this comprehensive ranking. If you want to optimize your listening experience of Nick Jonas' new album, start with my ranking of #1 and work your way down, but feel free to stop after 10.

12. "Don't Make Me Choose"

Eh. I’m not that into this song. It wasn’t the worst thing I’ve ever heard, but definitely the worst on this album. It was too slow, the lyrics were too obvious and clear cut, and I just couldn’t dance to it. I couldn’t even tap my foot to it, so it was out the door for me.

11. "Comfortable"

Again, I’m not a big fan of lyrics that are too obvious. Call me an English major who wants to find another meaning, I suppose. The beat isn’t awesome in this song, and with “eh” lyrics, this song left me wanting more. Luckily, this was the last song on the album so I had already been wowed.

10. "Voodoo"

The first song of an album is always all right, but never the best. I was not disappointed when this album followed that rule. This was an OK song, but nothing spectacular. The lyrics were better than the previous two listings, but the beat left something to be desired. Luckily, that desire was fulfilled in the rest of the album.

9. "Chainsaw"

"Chainsaw" was the first song I got into from this album, and I listened to it almost obsessively. The fact that it rates so low on this list shows you just how great the rest of the album was. The story behind the lyrics can draw you in, and I’m a big fan of the slower beat, but the rest of the album was just that good.

8. "Good Girls"

Let’s be honest here, the phrase “Dancing up on a table getting back at your dad” is hilarious. This is a nice little song about how Nick Jonas feels bad for good girls gone bad, but let’s assume that’s just for the sake of a song. Some parts of this song have a good beat, but it slows down too often and just doesn’t keep me dancing as much as it should.

7. "Unhinged"

Compared to some of the dance beats of this album, "Unhinged" was definitely one of the slower songs, but it was a nice change at that point in the album. I couldn’t help but look back on old Nick Jonas ballad-esque songs, from the Jonas Brothers days, and that difference made my eyes open a little wider. Is that even the same person? Nick and his voice have aged well, and this song shows it.

6. "Under You"

This came complete with an odd music video starring a "Pretty Little Liar," but the beat was pretty good. The lyrics were a little…something. I have a hard time believing Nick Jonas ever fails to get the girl, but maybe. Nick Jonas does a great job on this album, and especially this song, of reminding us that he threw away his purity ring a long time ago.

5. "Close"

Let’s not even talk about the Sia-inspired music video, please. That aside, the lyrics are pretty spot-on, and definitely have a nice vibe to them. It was a good song, slow but danceable, but it couldn’t hold a candle to some of the songs that rank higher on this list. I’m not surprised it was chosen as the radio single.

4. "Champagne Problems"

This is a song that I was expecting to be awful, and I was actually pleasantly surprised. It sounded like a Drake song, and I wasn’t looking for Drake when I downloaded the Nick Jonas album. However, it had a great beat and catchy lyrics, so I was sold.

3. "The Difference"

I didn’t expect it, but something about this song stuck in my head. It keeps a pretty even beat, which I appreciate in a world owned by dub-step, and Nick Jonas could pretty much do no wrong this far into the album for me. It didn’t have me breaking down into spontaneous dancing, but I got a little wiggly in my chair. Plus, the lyrics combined with Nick Jonas’ face were enough for me.

2. "Touch"

Light-hearted dance jams are necessary for every album. It doesn’t carry the darkness of "Chainsaw," thankfully, but it also isn’t as much of a club jam as "Bacon." It took me six listens to finally understand exactly what the chorus was saying, but it’s intoxicating. I’m glad something was going right for Nick during this song.

1. "Bacon"

It is impossible to sit still while listening to this song. I’m still absolutely unsure about whether throwing bacon on something is a euphemism for sex or money or a strip club, but I don’t really care. This is ultimate Nick Jonas right here, and he knows how to make you want to get down with him. I didn’t love the rap section, which I normally do, but that’s just because Nick was that good.

You're welcome.