I Achieved My New Year's Resolutions, But I'm Still Not Happy

I Achieved My New Year's Resolutions, But I'm Still Not Happy

"From an external perspective, you'd expect to be really happy with how my 2018 went. But the thing is, I'm not."

paris
paris
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A few weeks ago, I looked back at my list of New Year's resolutions for 2018. At first, I was really excited to see that I'd accomplished many of them: I got straight A's in school, applied to colleges early, got a job and began saving up money. But I also had many other goals for this year, ones that have frequented my resolution lists for many years. I wanted to maintain a secure, healthy, balanced lifestyle and finally achieve a positive relationship with food and my body. I hoped to improve my self-image, boost my confidence, and work towards feeling my best every day. Unfortunately, I did not accomplish these goals. But if you were to look at my 2018 just through my external accomplishments, it would seem like I had a great year of success and progress. From an external perspective, you'd expect me to be really happy with how my 2018 went.

But the thing is, I'm not happy. Despite my the many external resolutions I achieved, I don't consider 2018 to have been an incredibly productive and fulfilling year, because it just didn't feel that way. Yes, I had many wonderful moments, but I found myself unable to fully appreciate them. On some days, I'd accomplish something significant and still feel inexplicably terrible about myself. One day recently, I came home from a great, successful college interview, yet I felt so sad and worthless. I spent the rest of the day crying and wallowing when I should've been celebrating my accomplishment.

That day, I thought to myself, what was the point of achieving all of my external goals if I couldn't even appreciate them? How could I fully enjoy my external accomplishments if I couldn't reach my internal goals? I realized that no matter how many great things happened to me, I would never feel truly fulfilled, successful, and happy if I was neglecting my internal well-being. Nothing external would ever bring me the internal fulfillment I desperately needed.

It occurred to me that due to my disconnect with my emotions and mental health, I had let myself fall into a deep state of discontent. I knew that a change needed to be made, and I vowed to find a way to pull myself out of the rut I was in. I began to try everything. I started journaling regularly again, something I didn't even notice I'd stopped doing for most of 2018. I tried to treat myself better, eat healthier foods, exercise more often, and get back on a regular sleep schedule. Most of all, I made every effort to connect with myself. I wanted to reach into my own soul, find what was causing the problem, and straighten it all out. Now, I realize that there is no quick and easy way to find myself, but at least I'm on my way.

Positive change and progress will only come with lots of conscious effort and, of course, with time. I'm at the beginning of a slow process, but I am determined to help myself out of this place. I am confident that this year, I will finally achieve the internal well-being and fulfillment that I need to fully appreciate everything else about life. Instead of writing external goals for my 2019 resolutions, I'm going to focus on internal ones. I know that once I accomplish those, everything else will follow.

2019 will be my best year yet. I'm certain of it.

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The 20 Stages Of Instagram-Stalking Your Crush, As Told By 'Mean Girls'

Whether you love the presence of technology in your dating life or not, it's probably there.

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Far too often we wait for that follow request or Snapchat add to know that a boy is interested. We look to those notifications for validation of that mutual interest.

There is nothing quite like the freaking treasure trove that opens when a crush approves your follow request(or maybe you're silently looking if he is public). There is so much to do. This has now turned into an ~event~

All other priorities do. not. exist.

1. When he doesn't follow you back immediately

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Not mad, just disappointed. Actually, very mad. Seething, if you will. Honestly expected way more from Steve from Intro to Biology.

2. If he follows you first

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Hey! It's a little hard to see you down there since I'm ON CLOUD NINE RIGHT NOW!!! You text all your friends. These days, this is practically a marriage proposal. Time to start picking out wedding china? Can Vera Wang do this on such short notice?

3. If one of your friends also has a crush on him

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Sorry, Becky. Guess you'll just have to live with being a bridesmaid at our wedding.

4. If you don't follow him, but have a mutual friend who does: you ask them for screenshots

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He's private and you want to know what he is like without any consequences. You're just not ready to follow him yet, but you need some screenshots in your arsenal. This is case in point of why I should ABSOLUTELY not be considered a real adult for at least another five years.

5. Reading his bio

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The best thing it could be is just his name or school or maybe his frat. Or nothing if that is indicative of being a real live grownup who has a job(and I don't mean working at an IT start up your daddy found you). We don't really need an inspirational quote or something random that only two people understand. Your name is fine, thanks. Gentlemen, take a page out of Avril Lavigne's book and don't make everything so complicated.

6. Seeing how many followers he has

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This is something I don't really care about, but it can tell you a lot about the person. Like if they are a SoundCloud rapper trying to make it big and have clearly followed a ton of random people to try to get a follow back which has resulted in a sketchy follower-to-following ratio. If not, then they're probably normal.

7. Seeing how many photos he has

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There is nothing worse than thinking you are about to feast your eyes on all his photos only to discover that he has two photos and one is a group shot where his face is practically hidden. This will result in an hour of promising your friends that he is normal and good looking, despite what this feed might suggest.

8. Making sure he is not radiating jerk

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Saying "Saturdays are for the boys" is fine sometimes, but not every weekend. If he has more gym mirror selfies than the amount of Cosmopolitans Carrie Bradshaw has drank in her lifetime, it's time to move on. Unless you're working on a street corner, there is no need for you to be "just out here hustling/grinding."

9. Temptation to comment on a recent picture

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His hair looks really good! Or if he posts a picture of a party you saw him at this can be more tempting than buying cookies from Girl Scouts outside the grocery store. Resist, resist, resist.

10. Discovering you have a shared interest

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Oh my gosh, he went on spring break and you did too!! He went with ten friends to Panama City and you went home and ate Chinese food with your mom, but really, I don't see a difference there.

. 11. Stalking the most recent photo

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Is it with a girl? Is she prettier than you? If she commented an emoji it's freaking over. You sprint immediately to your closest grocery store and buy all the Ben and Jerry's.

12. Gathering of all the information

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Now we go into detective mode. Assuming at this stage that the dude actually had a decent amount of pictures, we now dig like Bob the Builder. We look for hobbies. We judge these hobbies. If you really like him, you concoct a plan to see how you can relate to these hobbies.

"Oh my gosh, I loveeeee fishing! I love it so much! Oh, you fish, you don't say? Look how much we have in common!"

13. Figuring out how close is he with his family

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Looking for how many times his parents surface on the IG. If you see he has siblings then if you are on a date one day you won't be trying to digest their names and ages, you'll already know. He will be blown away by your impeccable memory and interest in them.

14. Seeing something cool he did and becoming obsessed

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Maybe he studied abroad. All the heart eyes for the picture of him volunteering with Habitat for Humanity last April.

15. Pictures that make the world stop

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This might be him in a tux at a wedding with his grandma. It might be a swoon-worthy pic of him shirtless at the beach. It might be a picture of him and his wait for it… DOG and you die and blush and get so excited because you don't know what's cuter: him or the dog. These are the ones you screenshot for your friends.

16. All of a sudden it's been an hour

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You look at the clock, an hour has passed and you're in 2014. Great, now you know exactly what he wore to a middle school dance. Awesome!

17. When going into the tagged photos leads to being 3 people deep

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In tagged photos, you find previous girlfriends, and naturally, you have to stalk. Luckily, her account is public and you see that her best friend could easily be the next contestant on the Bachelor and probably win the whole thing. So you click on her profile and stalk her too. Then you see her boyfriend and look at his profile and feel genuinely hurt that you won't be getting an invite to their wedding.

18. Not blurting out everything the next time you see him

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You know you can absolutely NOT let on that you stalked him at all. Even though there were ten close calls, you did not accidentally like anything. Consider that a success. They should give out trophies for that. He doesn't need to know that you dropped your phone into the Oreo crumbs that were on your face at 2 a.m. As far as he knows, you simply approved his request and moved on with your life. If it comes up you should say "Oh, I didn't even remember we were friends on Instagram."

19. Crafting your first post with him being a follower

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It has to be hot, but it has to be effortless. You could do a selfie but you want him to know you have friends. But they can't look prettier than you. Should you be mysterious and post an artsy shot? Or post a travel throwback? *Books plane ticket to a cool destination just to take a pic he might like*

20. The first time he likes your post

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You feel like the definition of fabulous. A Snapchat is coming down the pike for sure. Ugh, how can you hate a culture and love it so much at the same time?

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Why I Love Country Music

It's deep in my soul.

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In this day and age, especially for high school and college-aged students, it seems that it is "uncool" to like country music. The music industry in the United States is clearly dominated by the music of hip hop artists such as Travis Scott and Drake, and the pop beats of Ariana Grande and the like. That music is great and all, and I enjoy it just as much as the next person, but for me, nothing beats country music. The truth is that like beauty, music is in the eye, or ear in this case, of the beholder.


Country music is what I grew up with. Driving in the car with my parents, the dial was always turned to the local country radio station. As a child, the words of Brad Paisley and Tim McGraw were ground into my memory. It's deep in my soul. It's sweet to my soul.

One thing that I adore about country music is that there's basically a country song for anything you're going through in life. Every song tells a story. There are country songs about good times and bad. There are country songs about everything from partying and relaxing, to heartbreak and sickness. There's something for everybody. It's comforting to me, and to many.

Country music is feel-good music. Some of my fondest memories involve my friends and I driving through my hometown, windows down, on a sunny and 75-degree day. Days spent out on the lake, the boat speakers blaring Jake Owen and Florida Georgia Line. I even have country music to thank for giving me my best friend.

Don't even get me started on the countless country music festivals I've attended. Many of the best days of my life have centered around the ballads of various country artists, young and old. Country concerts are simply the best live shows. The atmosphere at these shows is like nothing else. It's such an accepting, fun, carefree environment. There's honestly nowhere else in the whole world that I'd rather be. (By the way, if you ever get the chance to see Kenny Chesney live, I'd highly recommend it...I've never had more fun at a concert.)

To each their own. Listen to the music you love. Life's too short.

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