The new year often means new love, right? As your friends are busy making plans to eat better or go to the gym more, you’re stuck thinking, “Will this be the year I finally find the one?”
Odds are, probably not. But you can at least try. And one of those ways to try is downloading those wonderful little dating apps on your phone. You’re not serious enough about finding a relationship to spend the money on something like Match.com or EHarmony. You’re also not desperate enough to download something like OKCupid because the thought of having random conversation with a stranger you didn’t even swipe right on is terrifying. So apps are your best bet, right? Something like Tinder so you can get laid, or Coffee Meets Bagel so you can never match with anyone, ever (but you feel good about having it on your phone because, hey, you’re trying). Then there are more apps like Zoosk, and Bumble, and POF, but no one really uses those (okay, maybe Bumble once or twice).
With so many dating apps out there and so many people using them, you’re bound to find someone you’ll click with. You’d expect these sites to have originality, adventure, likes and dislikes that you might relate to!
No. All I see are dog photos. No profile description, no music likes/dislikes. Just a couple shirtless pics, some awkward snapchat filters, and half of their pictures consisting of a dog. Guess how much I care about you having a dog? Not at all.
But Marley, a guy with a dog shows that he’s caring!
No, friends. A guy holding his mom’s pup in his first photo isn’t caring and it isn’t what I’m here for. And here’s why you shouldn’t fall for their dog ploy.
- It’s a ploy. It’s obvious that it’s a ploy. Guys, especially, know this and they use the cuteness factor to their advantage. It’s a proven fact that 3/5 men have a dog in their Tinder profile (maybe not proven). They think that if they throw in a cute animal you’re bound to swipe through the rest of his photos because a guy that has an animal definitely isn’t trying to get into your pants. Right?
- I’m allergic to dogs. I’m not the only person on the planet that’s allergic to dogs so using your dog to get into my heart won’t work, buddy. I won’t be holding your hand on our date, instead I’ll be holding onto my inhaler.
- Yes, dogs are cute. But the next time your profile says something along the lines of “my dog is cuter than you” I might actually barf in your face. Or at least on my phone which is showing a picture of your face. But again, not really. Because it’s just your fucking dog on my screen.
- Are you here to date their dog? No. You’re here to date that person.
#4 is the most important reason, folks. You are not going to date that person’s dog and just because that person has a dog (or takes pictures with their mother’s dog) doesn’t mean you’re going to get along. Sure, it’s the same for every like/dislike out there: even though you have the same music taste, it doesn’t mean you’ll be compatible. But that isn’t the point. The point is that the dog ruse has become one of the most prominent lures for dating profiles, almost to the point of manipulation. I’ve seen friends “swipe right” on guys that literally only have a photo of their dog along with their age and where they go to college. No photo of themselves, no other interests listed. Just an image of a dog that may or may not be blurry.
Yes, it’s the individual’s preference and people can do what they want for whatever reason. But a guy expecting me to swipe right because he has a dog is not going to make me like him. They rely on their dog’s cuteness to make me swoon instead of actually putting down information that might matter to me, including basic stuff like where you go to school or literally any hobby you might have.
Next time you see someone relying on photos of their dog instead of showing who they are on a profile, walk away. Or at least recognize that it might be a ruse.
