I am always grateful for experience. No matter what, whether good or bad, there is something to gain from each one, like an abrupt change of prescription, demanding a new pair of glasses to filter my view of the world.
They cause me to look back on myself in previous years with a sense of embarrassment, pity, for who I was and how little I understood. Experience causes me to move from one phase of life to another. It causes shifts, like the earth’s friction underground causing an earthquake, and everything seems to move, trying to fit into the new shape of my life. After each one, the world I see is different, because I have changed.
Author C.S. Lewis describes one person going through phases that I can very much relate to. He says the man “has been through several [phases] before… and that he always feels superior and patronizing to the ones he has emerged from, not because he has really criticized them but simply because they are in the past.” With each new phase, I emerge as a more mature, seasoned, enlightened citizen of the world. At least that’s what I think.
And so here I am, with the experience of freshman year now finished, neatly labeled and stacked away into the collection of My Past. Thinking back on C.S. Lewis’ words, I realize that I am in a new phase of life. I look back on myself in high school with a new set of lenses, perhaps feeling a little “superior and patronizing.” I am not the same person I was. Priorities have ebbed and flowed in the current of time, some things becoming more important while others fade to the back.
I am reminded of my last journal entry of first semester, where I wrote:
Man, this journal records one of the craziest times in my life. It was horrible: busy, lonely, stressful, tiring, confusing, estranging. It was wonderful: new, exciting, challenging, fulfilling, enlightening, goofy, good. All in all, I think I always want my life to feel like this because it’s not apathetic. I get to live every day like this life is mine-full of passion. It wasn’t like that in high school.
I am sure my future self will look back, maybe even reading this post, with the same condescending glance that I now look on my high school years. But I am learning to give myself grace; I’m a work in progress. It’s good that I am continually growing, morphing, more into the person I want to become. So no matter what, whether good or bad, I am grateful for all experiences. Each one, in it’s own way, contributes to the collage that is me. They all tweak my prescription, hopefully resulting in a clearer picture of what the world is and who I am.
